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Carolyn (Beem) Smith Independence, Missouri
"COME SEE A MAN WHO TOLD ME ALL THINGS I EVER DID" John
4:29 "I
passed by you and saw you struggling
...
I
said to you
...
Live!"
(Ezekiel
16:6).
I grew up as a
third-generation Reorganized Latter Day Saint (RLDS), my folks gathering to Zion
(Independence, MO) a year before I was born. This seed of my beginnings grew
roots in a soil tilled with grief, as I will now explain: When I was three my
older sister died of a brain tumor—the fourth child to die of the five that
were born to my parents (I was the youngest). The losses were unspeakably sad,
and in my three-year-old mind it was my responsibility to diffuse my parents'
grief. Furthermore, I was to guard a trunk full of these children's belongings
(which I did for the next forty-some years). My father couldn't help that he
responded to the grief by secluding himself to the shallow dirt basement of our
home, sometimes for several days at a time. For the rest of his life he remained
emotionally distant to hide his pain. He developed an enlarged heart after my
sister died and didn't work for about a year. He took care of me while my mother
made the family living. I remember the terror that continually swept over me. I
didn't know why I felt this way; I just knew I was terrified. When my mother was
able to quit working I would not let her out of my sight. This was my early life
as a child of Joseph Smith followers: terror-struck and smothered by a heavy
blanket of grief. My
mother sought refuge in the RLDS church activities, with me shadowing her every
move. Becoming a part of the church group helped. But extreme shyness caused me
to turn my feelings of heaviness and terror into self-destructive behaviors and
a ‘devil may care’ attitude. I was a very troubled child who became a
troubled, impulsive adult. For years I had flashbacks of foreboding terror which
were minimized only by impulsiveness. I am certain I was prayed over by
well-meaning people, but I now believe they were praying to the wrong god. If my
mother (an adult convert to RLDS) hadn't read Bible stories to me I would have
heard little about Jesus and the Bible. The RLDS preachers would speak
"under the influence of the spirit" which became a regular occurrence
and felt very natural to me. Reacting to one's emotions and to one's
feelings (rather than responding according to God's Word, the Bible) was the way
of life for my family and my church kin. And,
though I didn't remember Bible scriptures being taught,
I certainly knew the hymn, "Work for the Night is Coming." The
people believed in working for the “cause of Zion: Latter Day Israel,” an
“all things common” community to be established in Jackson County in
preparation for the Lord's return. “A
wise woman builds her house, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own
hands” (Proverbs 14:1). Between
the ages of nineteen and twenty-three I disavowed Christianity, not just Joseph
Smith's version. I married my college sweetheart, and life might have continued
this course if my mother hadn't died after she suffered a short illness. Her
death occurred just ten days before my second child, my son, was born.
Unresolved childhood issues came back like a nightmare that wouldn't leave, and
in my grief I turned back to the RLDS church for support. The people were always
eager to embrace me. As my relationship with the church grew I asked questions
about early Joseph Smith history which had several conflicting origins. The
church people's response was, “Don't question. just believe.” This was
another part of my inheritance, to not
question, just believe. My
husband was not interested in church, so these matters didn't concern him. Years
passed, and I stopped questioning as I clung to the RLDS fellowship. In the late
1970's I noticed a division between the liberal and fundamental theologies which
people professed. My children and I started attending a large fundamental RLDS
congregation ("fundamental" meaning that people adhered to certain
parts of Joseph Smith's teachings and history). I became a fanatic as the
leaders experimented with mysticism and "mediums" (as mentioned and
condemned in Deuteronomy 18:11 and other Old Testament scriptures). They
believed they were acting according to God's will. By fall of 1981, I felt I had experiences in which I was instructed to divorce my
“un-RLDS” husband. My marriage of nineteen years ended, which was a
heart-wrenching event for my family. Though I hadn't known the story of the
Samaritan woman (John, Chapter 4), I later realized my life would resemble this
woman's life, that is, before she met Jesus. “The
heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked”
(Jeremiah 17:9a). I became
involved in one of the RLDS ministries in which New Age theology was abundant.
While involved I had a satanic encounter in which I seemed to be the center of
the target. I was prayed over by well
meaning people, and my initial fear was replaced with the thought that I
had accomplished the supernatural. I felt a greater bond with my church kin
who’d had similar experiences. I didn't realize those “familiar spirits”
(Leviticus 19:31 and other Old Testament writings) were much too familiar. I
was married again in June of 1983 to an RLDS deacon. I thought this marriage
would bring more stability to my family. But things soon changed. The church
went through a huge splintering into many small factions in 1984. For a year or
so one of the factions met in our home. Our leader was a very persuasive speaker
and had a way of drawing people to him. At the end of this time my youngest
daughter had a serious accident. The accident brought forth evidence of gross
misconduct within that group which caused my daughter and me to leave their
fellowship. This meant we had to leave our home. Chaos followed for several
months while my youngest and I scrambled to get our bearings. My second husband
chose not to leave the group and divorced me in September of 1986. “The
thief does not come except to steal, and to kill and to destroy”
(John 10:10a).
I felt like a kite cut loose: no
marriage and no place “in Zion” to call home, but still so much confidence
in the Book of Mormon. I had recurring experiences that made me feel like an
angel was standing over me while I studied the Joseph Smith materials.
My beliefs were like torn rags that didn't fit together (the tail on the end of
the kite!) Just a couple months passed after this divorce when an RLDS elder
took my youngest and me “under his wings.” This third marriage turned sour
quickly, and another divorce loomed on the horizon. I considered myself a
“splinter-RLDS” (now called Restorationist), but I did not fit in with any
of the church groups. Unbelievably, I was “rescued” again and married for
the fourth time in December, 1988. My finite mind thought the mysterious god
with whom I'd grown up was going to deliver me from all my problems through
marriage “to the right man.” I didn't know the infinite God of
Abraham, Isaac and Jacob would soon be my Deliverer! My fourth husband visited
the Restoration church services but was offended by their teachings. He did not
profess to be a Bible scholar, but he could tell they were not preaching
completely from the Bible and he refused to visit again. “I
have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10b). “Call
to me and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do
not know” (Jeremiah
33:3). I hung on to the
Restorationists' teachings but gave up trying to be a part of them. In the fall
of 1991 I was so desperate for a church home that I agreed to let my husband
pick a church to visit. God had a surprise for me at that first evangelical
Christian service. There stood a young missionary and his family who were home
on furlough from South America. Their work was to expose the false teachings of
pseudo-Christian cults to South Americans who were being proselytized by
Mormons. This missionary made the same presentation at the church we visited.
Energized by anger, I let the missionary have a piece of my “Book of Mormon
mind.” He kindly pointed me to the Bible and to resources regarding the belief
system in which I had been reared. I was determined to “call his bluff” when
I began my studies, but I immediately began to read with new understanding when
I opened an authorized version of the Bible (not Joseph Smith's “Inspired
Version”). I even understood the other biblical reading materials I was
furnished. I was so excited by being able to understand what I read, and a
beautiful peace fell upon me, especially the more I read that Bible! “For
the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword,
piercing even to the division of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow and is
a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the hear”
(Hebrews 4:12). “And
I will establish My covenant with you. Then you shall know that I am the Lord,
that you may remember and be ashamed, and never open your mouth anymore because
of your shame”
(Ezekiel 16:62 & 63a). I
had a habit of studying early in the morning at the kitchen table. One dark
morning as I was reading in the Book of Hebrews I read, “For
we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses
but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come
boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace
to help in time of need” (Hebrews
Chapter 4:15-16). The words jumped from the page—especially “High Priest”, “mercy”
and “grace”—and my soul was
pierced as I began to realize the depth of my sins and how much I needed to
repent and seek forgiveness. Here was
Someone who could not only sympathize with me but could also save
me! I confessed my sins, and my
heart cried, “Yes, Jesus, You are the High Priest I've been looking
for. Come be my Savior!" And He did! In
a moment He also showed me how His
Word (as contained in the Bible alone) could be studied like a diamond in
the light. He showed me how the beautiful truths of His Word would shine forth
whatever help I needed. All of this because He had placed His Holy Spirit in me,
the moment He saved me! “So
shall my Word be that goes forth from my mouth; It
shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall
prosper in the thing for which I sent it” (Isaiah
55:11). I knew in an instant that I must forsake all Joseph Smith
history and materials, that I must study the Bible as God's inerrant,
authoritative Word. He also showed me that the church family for whom I was
seeking was there at the foot of the tree (the empty cross where Jesus was
crucified) and that this tree was my “family tree,” evidence of my new roots
established in the fertile soil of His Word! “For I am not ashamed of
the gospel of Christ, for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who
believes, for the Jew first and also for the Greek. For in it the righteousness
of God is revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, 'The just shall live
by faith'.” (Romans 16:17).
I was baptized in an evangelical Christian church on Easter, 1992, and
the congregation sang, “We're Marching to Zion!” (the Zion of the
Bible—Heaven—the city of the living God—Hebrews Chapter 12:22!) “He brought me to His banqueting table, and His banner over me is
love!” (Song of Solomon 2:4). “I
am the Lord who healeth thee”
(Exodus 15:26), for, “By
His stripes we are healed”
(Isaiah 53:5-6). Over eleven
years have passed, and I am replacing my “don't question, just believe”
attitude with God's Word (as contained solely in the Bible), keeping close
communion with Him and staying in
fellowship with other believers. A year or so before I began my studies, my
oldest daughter and her husband had “come out” of Joseph Smith’s teachings
and became believers (Jesus
came “ to seek and save that which was lost” – Luke
19:10). I thought
they had little influence on me as they lived a thousand miles away in
Pennsylvania. But they had been praying, and God answered their prayers! All
three of my children are now heirs of His Kingdom, my youngest daughter being
saved a little over a year ago. They love the Lord and they love His Word! I am
so blessed! My son, John Milholland, has posted his testimony, “Grace
Accepted,” on the Refiner’s Fire Ministries website, help4rlds.com.
Others of my family and friends have been saved since then. For each I pray and
believe Psalm 37:23-25: Through His Word I have found that “though
we may fall we will not utterly be cast down, for our steps are ordered by Him.
He will not let our children or our children's children beg for bread” (His
Word), but He will satisfy them with it's living truth! I
thought it was my lack of Bible knowledge that kept me from knowing who Jesus is
(that He is God and He is my Savior). But my desires
for carrying on my family's religious traditions had to become less
than my desire for the
true Word of God. I had to desire Jesus above everything the world had to offer,
“The
lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life”
(I John 2:15-16). I had to ask unwaveringly so that He would give
me that desire. He said in Luke 12:32, “It is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.” “For
by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is a
gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast. For we are His workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand
that we should walk in them”
(Ephesians 2:8-10). In
writing this testimony I have endeavored to do the good works God created me
to do: shining God's light into the dark pit into which Satan had cast me
while being involved in the Joseph Smith movement. There's
an acronym, “FAITH.” This is used in witnessing among some evangelical
Christian churches, and means, “Forsaking All I Trust Him.” The reality of what this means has been a big part of my
growing in Jesus. Like all sin, my sins—though forgiven by my Gracious
Lord—have caused consequences that I face on a daily basis. It has taken time
for me to relinquish my impulsiveness and other aspects of my old sin nature to
the Lord. He convicts me and tells me to rely on Him every day, and I have to
saturate myself with His Word to keep reprogramming my mind. As I grow in Him I
pray His promise that He will “Restore
the years the swarming locust has eaten”
(Joel 2:25), “swarming locust” being my sins. I
realize that many in the Mormon, RLDS (Community of Christ) and
Restorationist churches have not had the experiences I've had nor made the
mistakes I've made. I believe they are desiring to make a positive impact on
their community, and that their efforts are honest. But out of love and concern
I would say the following: they must examine their roots—Joseph Smith's
dubious history and the doctrine he taught. This permeates every effort they
make “for the cause of Zion.” They
should ask, “for which Zion am I striving?” Better yet, they should ask,
“Which Jesus am I serving?” Pseudo-Christianity
is really NO Christianity at all. Instead, it is another religion that broadens
the path to destruction. I am
remembering how Jesus took a whip and drove the money-changers, the sellers and
their animals out of the temple and turned over
the money changers' tables (John 2:15). He did this because they were desecrating God's
temple. His temple is now built up of those who have been saved by
grace through faith. His church exists on earth among all believers. Jesus
Christ is the Living Stone and Chief Cornerstone upon which we are living
stones, a spiritual house, a holy priesthood
(I Peter 2:4-5). This spiritual house has as the foundation the apostles
and prophets of the Old Testament
(Ephesians 2:20). The rock of revelation upon which this temple is built is
God’s Word revealed: that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God
(Matthew 16:16-18). Adding to His pure gospel as given in the Bible is the same
as selling wares in His temple and making the gate wide and the way
broad. Jesus plainly said that the
gate is narrow (Matthew 7:13-14), and there are few who find it. Are the
Mormons/Community of Christ members/Restorationists (and all other Joseph Smith
followers) part of “the few” or are they part of those on
the broad path to destruction? The answer is in the Bible, not in a fable of
which is spoken in II Timothy 4:3–4, “For
the time will come when (people) will not endure sound doctrine, but according
to their own desires, because they have itching ears, they will heap up for
themselves teachers; and they will turn their ears away from the truth, and be
turned aside to fables.” Genesis 50:20 is
the heart of my story: What
was meant for evil God used for good.
The conclusion is: “For the Lord God will help me; therefore I will not be disgraced;
therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know that I will not be
ashamed” (Isaiah 50:7). The
epilogue is Psalm 126:1–3, 5 & 6, “When
the Lord brought back the captivity of Zion, we were like those who dream. Then
our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing ... Those who
sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing
seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves
with him.” Carolyn
(Beem) Smith (816)
718-6599 Please
call to receive a free video regarding recent DNA research relating to the Book
of Mormon. For
more information please also visit the following websites:
lifeline2rlds.org
or help4rlds.com You can also write
to: Life
Line to RLDS Ministries Box
1536 Independence, MO 64055 Refiner's Fire Ministries P.O. Box 3343 Independence, MO 64055 |