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16
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~~~
Amazing Grace
This
testimony is dedicated to all the dear, devoted RLDS people
who have been such an important part of my life.
I was raised on a farm in Canada, the oldest of seven children. My mother was a faithful member of the RLDS church and raised all her children in “the church.” My father, from a Roman Catholic background, belonged to no denomination and did not interfere with our religious upbringing. I trusted and believed everything I was taught about the church from others who also trusted and believed in the church.
Following high school, I moved to Independence, Missouri, to enter nurses training at the San, the church-sponsored hospital. After graduation, I worked in the Intensive Care Unit for several years, then as a nursing instructor in the Jennie Lund School of Practical Nursing. During this time, I married Chuck (also RLDS) and gave birth to our first child. I took advantage of living in “the Center Place,” attending various classes, workshops and seminars seeking that elusive “fullness of the gospel” spoken of in the church’s teachings. I was trying to understand my church’s doctrines but the more I studied, the more confused I got. What was my problem?
Chuck’s work took us to Idaho where I became involved in a neighborhood Bible study. I had always considered myself a Christian because I believed Jesus was the son of God. I had always regarded Him as Savior because I knew He had died on the cross for the sins of the world. But, through the loving ministry of this non-denominational group of Christians, I realized that I had never known Jesus as Lord of my life. In fact, I had always been a little afraid of giving Him too much freedom with my life….I wanted to be the one in control.
Now, however, I saw the Lord working in the lives of these new Christian friends of mine with a love and power I had never known. How could this be? I belonged to the one true church; we had the fullness of the gospel; yet these people seemed so much closer to the Lord. I longed for that kind of relationship with Him, too. So, one day in my kitchen, I turned my life over to Him to use as He wished. Only later did I discover that this was what is known as being “born again.” What a difference that decision would make in my life!
As our little group studied the Bible together, I found the answers to such questions as: What is the gospel? Will I go to heaven? Can the Lord forgive all my sins? I was excited with this acquisition of spiritual knowledge but at the same time, I was becoming aware of a problem…. the Biblical answers contradicted RLDS teachings on these subjects. Now the question was…. should I trust in the Bible or in the RLDS church?
Two things occurred which helped me answer that question. The first was my decision to take the instructions given in the New Testament to believers and apply them to my life…. without re-interpreting them for my day and time. The scriptures I first chose were Romans 8:28 (“…all things work together for good to them that love God…”) and I Thessalonians 5:18 (“…In every thing give thanks…”). The first time I tested them, God’s blessing was unmistakably evident.
The next scripture I challenged was I Peter 3:1 regarding the relationship between husbands and wives. I had misgivings about this one, but decided to trust God’s Word and to my surprise, I found it to be a liberating experience. Our marriage continues to be blessed as we are obedient to God’s counsel as found in the pages of His Word, the Holy Bible. Over the next few years, we tested more scriptures and they yielded the same positive evidence of the Lord’s faithfulness to His Word. The Bible could be trusted!
A second occurrence answered my question, “can the RLDS church be trusted?” My husband and I had joined an RLDS young adults group discussing articles in Restoration Studies, a 1980 Herald House publication. We were shocked to discover that the church acknowledged that there were at least six different versions of Joseph Smith’s first vision. Further study on my part revealed more disturbing information. Historical records confirm that there was no 1820 revival in the vicinity of the Smith home.
Several eyewitnesses, including Emma Smith, agreed that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon with a seer stone in his hat (a form of occult divination) and not with the Urim and Thummim breastplate and spectacles as we had been taught. Original court records show that Joseph Smith was arrested and convicted of being a ‘glass-looker’ in 1826. Despite the fact that subsequent trials (where Joseph was found innocent of other charges) are covered in great detail in church history, this event is not even mentioned. During the next several years we found many more contradictions, errors and apparent cover-ups in church history. I had my answer.
Like most RLDS people, I was committed to my religious beliefs, dedicated to being a faithful member of my church and a productive citizen in my community. Unfortunately, as important as these things are, they are not what God requires of us in order to receive eternal life. The Bible tells us that we are not saved by our good works but by Jesus’ finished work on the cross. Salvation is a free gift from God…. ours if we will but receive it.
We insult God when we ignore or reject His gift, or when we try to buy it with our good works (Hebrews 10:29 NIV) Why? Because his beloved Son has already paid for it…. with His life. God’s desire is that none should be lost, but that all should come to a knowledge of the truth. Having faith in Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon or the RLDS church is not the same as having faith in Jesus Christ. Salvation is obtained by accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, not by belonging to a certain church or by living a life of good works. The Bible tells us that good works are important, that God in fact has prepared good works for us to do, but after we are saved, to point others to Jesus, not to become saved ourselves. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:8-10, NIV).
Fortunately, we have been blessed with loving and understanding families and friends who have let us search for the truth because they loved us and wanted us to find peace. Now we pray the same for them. God is faithful. The Holy Spirit will lead us into all truth when we sincerely seek the truth.
I was lost, but
You showed me the way — because you are the Way.
I was lied to, but You
told the truth — because you are the Truth.
I was dying, but You gave me life — because You are the Life.
How I love You, God’s risen Son — You are the One for me.
from
“You are the One”
by Keith Green
Randall Austin Morse,
Attorney at Law
~~~
The Long and Winding Road
You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. The reciprocal of that basic Bible truth is also true. If you believe in lies you shall live in bondage. When I was RLDS, I lived in spiritual bondage. After twenty years of searching I have come to understand the bondage came from not knowing God, and not knowing the saving grace of Jesus. I was truly, “wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.” (Rev. 3:17). Let me tell you how wretched. I was never sure that God loved me as I was. I always thought that the love of Jesus was for other folks — folks who must have been better than I was. I never could live up to other’s expectations, or my own. I feared failing in all sorts of ways. I knew that my inner life was corrupt but I was too afraid of rejection to reveal the truth to anyone. I pretended to be confident and mature. I didn’t feel like anyone wanted to know the truth about me anyway. I was tormented by my very real failures. The guilt would never leave me, never allow me peace. I was quite certain that my lack of happiness must be someone else’s fault. I kept track of perceived offenses against me. My heart was bitter from lack of forgiveness. In spite of all this, I still felt self-important because of my membership in the “one true church” and my position as an elder and pastor. I had a special status with God. Disappointment; fear of failure; fear of rejection; false facades; isolation; guilt; bitterness; pride; that about sums it up. That is, until Jesus the Shepherd, blessed be His name, came and found this lost little lamb and set me free. Let me tell you how He did it.
The first thing Jesus did was to speak to me about who He is. After seeing the RLDS faith fail so miserably in my family of origin, I entered Graceland College as a most worldly agnostic with many questions. One problem, which I called the “time and space problem” was: How could Jesus dying on the cross reach across time and space to affect me eight thousand miles and two thousand years away? In all the Graceland religion classes I took, I never found the answer to this problem.
One summer while working in Independence, I heard the answer from a Christian on the radio. He said, “Jesus is God. Because Jesus is God he is eternal and omnipresent. Therefore, when Jesus died on the cross his death reached across the eons of time and across the miles to penetrate you this very moment.” I didn’t know whether it was true but his words rang in my heart and gave me hope. Later, I saw my girl friend Cynthia (my future wife) instantaneously healed of a high fever in answer to prayer. As a result, I became a believer intellectually. I became hungry to know more. I sought to become involved in church. RLDS church members surrounded me at Graceland, so that is where my newfound faith took me.
I spent some fifteen years as a ‘leper’ believer in the RLDS church. You see, I was a leper because those who believe in the supernatural power of the cross of Jesus are scorned as simple-minded idiots by the liberal theology trained leadership. I remember returning home from church as a newly-wed and weeping with my new bride over the dead rambling sermon we had just heard read out of a notebook, by a president of the church. We considered leaving the church then, but life outside appeared too frightening and unknown. We decided that God was calling us to reform the church from the bottom up. So there began over a decade of smashing our heads into a stone wall.
Yet my faith in Jesus continued to grow. Soon after obtaining a law degree and becoming a lawyer, I was ordained to the office of elder. A few days later I was proud to be called to Liberty Hospital to pray over a non-RLDS woman who had a spinal cord infection and could not walk. I began to pray. Nothing was happening. I began to panic. Wasn’t something supposed to happen? Then I thought: “I know, I’ll call upon the name of Jesus.” As I uttered the name of Jesus I felt an electrical energy enter the top of my head, shoot through my body and out my hands. On the way out of the hospital the other elder asked me if I had felt the Holy Spirit come too. I understand the woman went home the next day, the use of her legs restored. The doctors never confirmed the nature of her illness. I concluded that the power was in the name of Jesus.
For fifteen years I prayed for a testimony of the Book of Mormon but received none. I found the reading of the book tedious and depressing. My observations were that the book could not maintain a coherent thought and that it was a book about failures. I jealously watched a close friend go through his appointee training. He began to show me some of the materials they were given to study, including, Study of the Book of Mormon by official LDS Historian, B. H. Roberts, which showed the many similarities between the Book of Mormon and a pre-1830 book titled The View of the Hebrews. This information troubled me. I began to seek a testimony about the Book of Mormon. I planned a trip to Mexico with a friend who had been there twenty- three times. I wanted to see the archaeological evidence for myself to calm my growing doubts. When I suggested we make it a priority to see the particular sites that would prove the Book of Mormon, he said that there weren’t any such sites. I asked why he had made so many trips if there wasn’t any evidence. He replied that when he went down there, God always gave him a spiritual vision of the Book of Mormon peoples. I politely cancelled the trip. I wasn’t interested in visions. I wanted reality and I believed that a reality as big as the one described in the Book of Mormon would leave a trail of evidence behind. To this day, I have never seen any credible evidence to support the Book of Mormon.
I also asked God if the Bible was true. I decided to put God’s promises to the test. Following my graduation from law school I was driving a rusted 1963 Buick Special. I read in Matthew 6:33, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.” Well, I needed a car, I thought. So I asked God to prove to me the validity of the Bible by giving me a new car. God, in his mercy and humor, answered me. I waited thirty days and nothing happened. I went out and bought a Mazda and went ten thousand dollars in debt. A month later while visiting my parents in Southern California I attended an audience participation game show, The Price Is Right. I was called up to play and I won a Mazda. How could such a thing actually happen? I finally concluded that God heard my proud, presumptuous prayer and from the unmerited grace of His heart He answered me. He answered my prayer for the purpose of convincing me that His Word is true, authoritative and reliable and that our God is a big God. As a result I began to read and rely on the Bible.
I found that the Bible clearly teaches that Jesus claimed to be God. I began to emphasize the deity of Jesus in my sermons. When I preached what the Bible says about Jesus, I always felt that same spirit I had felt at the hospital. Although my inner life was sinful and double minded, I applied for church appointment. While my application was pending, I had an interview with a president of the church while on a hike at a reunion in Colorado. He said, “I expect the Book of Mormon will be disproved by archaeology in the next ten years.” I replied, “If that is true then the whole church is based upon a fraud and will surely fail.” Oops—wrong answer. He disagreed. I’m sure that’s why my application was rejected.
Through my experiences as a pastor and an attorney, I became aware of multiple incidents of RLDS priesthood members molesting children. These incidents were incongruous with the notion that we RLDS had something that allowed us to be better than the world.
During my years as an RLDS attorney I struggled financially. One particularly difficult ten-day stretch I had four hearings and trials. I expected to win them all but lost each one. In my despair I went to the Bible for an explanation. I asked God to speak to me in his Word. I opened the Bible and was drawn immediately to one scripture. It was this: “Choose you this day whom you shall serve…but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). I felt that God was telling me that I had not really chosen Him even though I thought I had.
One night, while on my way to teach a college course, I had an experience that startled me. I was driving in my car down a divided highway listening to Christian music on the radio. I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in the car with me, which certainly seemed strange at the time. When I thanked the Lord I immediately felt a hard painful knot in my chest. I asked the Lord what it was. I became aware that the knot was all the guilt, fear and bitterness I carried inside. The knot became an image of a tightly grasped fist, which appeared before my open eyes as I drove down the highway. I understood that the fist represented my holding on to all those negative emotions. Finally, I saw a hand reach down from above and pry my fingers back against my will, one by one. At the time I was not sure what this experience meant but I eventually learned that it was an accurate representation of the coming events of my life.
Although I was mentally a believer, I was not reborn, not spiritually regenerated. Although I knew who Jesus was, I did not know who I was. God was trying to give me an accurate view of myself and He was about to break through my self-deception. My life’s situation was deteriorating, made worse by wrong things I had done in my personal life. My marriage with Cynthia was troubled. In the midst of this multi-level crisis, I attended a Christian minister’s conference in Springfield, Mo. I felt the Holy Spirit in the atmosphere of the sanctuary like I never had in a church before. The speakers were addressing my situation and me as if there was no one else in the room and they knew everything about me.
The second day I let them pray for me. I was last in line to be prayed for. The other prayers were gentle and soothing, but when they came to me they started shouting all at once. I felt an electrical charge go through my body. I did not fall down. I did not lose consciousness. I did not start laughing or crying. I was merely stunned and I could barely verbalize for several hours. I went back to my room and then it dawned on me what had just happened.
I had presumed that I had a preferred status with God as a Melchizedek priesthood member in the “one true church.” I discovered that I was not any better than these Christians were, as I had supposed, but rather I was totally wretched and lost! I couldn’t see myself accurately because my pride was a big balloon of presumption and it blocked my view of myself. The prayers popped the balloon and I truly saw myself. I laid face down on the carpet and cried out to Jesus to save me. Up until that time I had bargained with the Lord in order to get what I wanted. Now I offered Him my whole life – everything – if he would only give me a new life. From that moment on I was different and the difference was that Jesus owned me, and He owns me still.
I came home and began to study the Bible in earnest. When I read, “If you do not receive the love of the truth then God will send you a strong delusion” (II Thess. 2:9-ll) I was stricken with fear. I got down on the floor, with my face in the carpet for the second time in a single week and I begged God, “Please, Please, Please, Lord don’t send me a strong delusion.” I got up and committed myself to the love of the truth and tested everything I believed according to the evidence and the Word of God. I examined the truth of the Reorganized Church and Joseph Smith according to the evidence, like a lawyer preparing for trial. What I found was over seventy glaring evidentiary problems, including the following: 1) Contradictory first vision accounts. 2) No gold plates used in creating the Book of Mormon. 3) Impossible quotations in the Book of Mormon. 4) No supporting archaeology. 5) Many failed predictive prophecies. 6) Evidentiary support for Joseph’s involvement in polygamy. 7) Current church leadership who did not believe the fundamental miracles of the Christian faith. And many more.
In spite of all this, I still was not ready to leave the Reorganized Church. After all the energy and expectation we put into the building of the RLDS Temple, I was reluctant to not be a part of that. So I asked God. Then I picked up the Bible and found the following verse: “God that made the world and all things therein, seeing that he is Lord of heaven and earth, dwelleth not in temples made with hands” (Acts 17:24).
The last barrier fell when I went to see a local Christian pastor to ask him a question on my heart. My dilemma was that I didn’t agree with the RLDS leadership but wondered if God was calling me to stay in the Reorganized Church to correct the problems from within. He told me if I stayed I would have a “Matthew Twenty-three Problem” (verses 2-3) which states, “The scribes and Pharisees sit in Moses seat: Therefore whatever they tell you to observe that observe and do; but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not. For they bind heavy burdens and hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.” The Bible teaches that we must submit to authority, even corrupt authority. If we reserve to ourselves the right to obey or not then we are actually rebelling against God. Therefore, we must be careful to place ourselves under godly authority. To speak out was to rebel. To be silent was to accept and condone the deception. Since I could not become an accomplice to the deception, I knew I had to leave.
The RLDS leadership failed to tell me the truth. I trusted them but they deceived me. Over the years they have admitted many of the unpleasant facts about Joseph Smith but their deception remains. The nature of their deception is that they fail to draw rational conclusions from their admissions and release the people. A prime example of this is the statement made by a current church leader in the June 1996 Herald, “I believe in the Joseph Smith story, not because it’s authoritative but because it’s my story.” Why on earth would anyone believe in something that is admittedly not supported by the evidence? Their deception was to claim as valid and worthy, what they admit to be false. Their actions allowed Joseph to stand between Jesus and me for at least fifteen years and almost cost me the hope of my future. I do not take personal offense at these actions but I mourn the lost and wasted years away from Jesus.
I was finally ready to offend all our church family and friends for the
sake of gaining Jesus and being found in Him. It is by the miraculous grace of
God that He brought my precious wife out of the church at the same time – Dec.
1992. In the years since, I have been amazed at how much peace and joy and love
Jesus has poured into us. We no longer struggle financially, due to God’s
blessing. Profanity, uncontrolled temper and obsessive thoughts no longer
afflict me. When I am confronted with the neediness of my soul, I know that the
experience of my Provider is no further away than time in worship with my now
open hands reaching out to the one who gave himself for me and who now owns me
completely. Although I frequently revert to thinking that I must do something to
merit His love, Jesus has never failed me, never turned me away, never given up
on me. Since I have the blessing of God upon me, I can not but bless all those
who I previously held grudges against. I am no longer driven to prove my
rightness with much argument and legalism. Now in my gratitude for what Jesus
has completed in me, I am far less compelled to sin. The claim of Jesus on my
life is complete and as I fulfill the reality of His ownership of my life I find
peace that I never knew was possible. Thank you Jesus.
~~~
“Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler.”
Psalm 91:3
As a small child I spent a great deal of time at my grandmother’s house. Morning devotions were a regular occurrence. My grandmother believed Jesus was deity and called upon His name through her many prayers. Her life was far from perfect but I knew she loved Jesus, and because she loved Jesus so did I.
I grew up in an R.L.D.S. home in which appearances were important. My father played church and my mother worked hard to give her children a good church upbringing. Attending church and church camps were comfortable and created a sense of belonging. Reading the scriptures was done out of duty and though I asked God for a testimony that the Book of Mormon was true, I never received one. As I entered my teenage years, I turned to the Lord in prayer often. God was faithful to help me through relationships but my life lacked something. When I read His word, there was little, and sometimes no, understanding. I believed that I must work my way to heaven; I felt as if my works were never good enough.
When I left home to go to Graceland College, I began to acknowledge certain truths about my life. First, at an early age, I had been a victim of sexual molestation by an uncle who lived in my grandmother’s home. I was unable to tell my grandmother for fear it would destroy her (my uncle had silenced his victims with threats). We all kept quiet about the abuse for fear of him and the cost to our family. The Lord showed me that keeping this to myself was a sin in my life; for if I had told someone, other young children would have been spared.
Second, I had to admit that my parents were not happy in their marriage and had not been for thirty years. While I was at Graceland they separated for a short while but then reconciled the best they could.
During my years at Graceland, the more I was honest with myself the more I knew I needed God. On the outside, all my peers saw me as a “Christian” but on the inside something was missing. I was going to my classes and performing all the student roles but I was hungry for Jesus. I found myself praying more and healing from the past. On one occasion I became very ill and ran a high fever. The medical staff did not know the cause of my fever. After several days of this status I called a professor to inform him that I would be absent from class the next morning. When he received the message, he thought I was calling for prayer. He soon arrived at the infirmary with a friend. They laid hands on me and asked that my sins be forgiven in Jesus name. My fever broke immediately while his hands were upon my head. What I did not understand was that I was a sinner. I knew God was big enough to heal me but I didn’t understand who I was. I was a sinner who needed His mercy. Now when life is not going well for some reason I immediately go to Jesus in prayer and ask Him to reveal my sin to me so that I might repent.
Shortly after marriage, Austin and I were knee deep in leadership responsibilities as youth leaders at the Stone church. After one particular sermon we came home in tears. We were both hungry for the Holy Spirit. But where was He? We wanted to believe we had the answers but the truth is there was a void in our lives. Anyone that knew us, knew we wanted more of Jesus at church and in our personal lives. We pretended to have the answers but inside there was this void. The obvious answer to us was to try harder. We poured ourselves into church work and began our family. While Austin was a pastor, things began to crumble at home. We needed divine intervention from God and He mercifully gave it.
In 199l, Austin went to Springfield for a non-denominational minister’s conference. This event was a divine appointment for Austin. It was the first non-R.L.D.S. church he had ever visited. When he returned home, I knew that a miracle had occurred. He was not the same person.
Around the same time I received a letter from W. B. Smith, the president of the RLDS church. The letter was requesting that I consider serving on a world church committee referred to as a Special Interest committee. One of the areas to be researched was the viability of homosexuals in the role of priesthood. As a clinical social worker in private practice, I had many times the opportunity to work with homosexuals in therapy. Within in a few weeks I found myself on the sub-committee researching homosexuality. I asked God for help and soon met Dan Doel. I did not realize that the power of Jesus Christ would work through Dan to change my life forever.
Dan, a former homosexual, a born again Christian, and then a practicing doctor of medicine, was exactly what I needed. I believe it would be helpful for you to know first about Dan. Dan was molested by his pastor at the age of sixteen. This experience created confusion and despair in his life. He soon moved into a homosexual lifestyle. Dan’s mother was a Christian and never stopped praying for him. Though she knew his behavior was sinful, she continued to love him. Dan always knew his mother didn’t agree with his choice and admitted years later that her constant love for him, along with her dedication to God’s position on homosexuality, served in a large way to encourage him to leave the Gay lifestyle. Dan opened his Bible during a moment of emotional desperation to 1 Corinthians 6:9-11. “Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you WERE. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” In that moment the Holy Spirit fell upon Dan and the words “as you were” leaped off the page and into Dan’s heart. God delivered Dan from homosexuality. With a new life and a new heart Dan began a ministry to homosexuals that wanted to be set free.
God placed Dan in my life at this perfect time. First, Dan challenged my so-called Christian “faith.” I claimed to be a Christian but why would the church in which I was a member consider ordaining homosexuals? Second, Dan pointed to the Bible for answers. Does my church believe the Bible is authoritative or not? Third, Dan was a living testimony of God’s healing transforming power. He witnessed to me of the saving grace of Jesus Christ, that no one has to live in darkness and bondage to any sin. The death of Jesus on the cross has saved us from ourselves. And finally, Dan came to our committee. He bore his personal testimony and witnessed of God’s grace and power.
The committee utterly rejected Dan. I found myself identifying with Dan and not with the committee’s position of acceptance. A few weeks later the committee was to hear the testimony of a young man who was a practicing homosexual living in California. The committee learned that this man was also an RLDS priesthood member. This call came from his pastor with full support of his stake president. This man and his attending parents testified that the church was well aware of his sexual preference, that he was dating and hoped to marry another man someday. The church had given its support for him to function in his priesthood role. I believe only two of us on the committee were surprised. This individual informed the committee that the highest church officials were supportive of homosexuals in priesthood positions and that the current policy would be changed. After this man left our conference room I turned to the Secretary of the church and asked him how this could be? For it was my understanding the committee was formed to research the possibility of a policy change. His answer I will never forget. He said, “the church is like a bank. If you have a really good customer, you make exceptions.” There it was. The church was already ordaining homosexuals. It was later discovered that this homosexual man was one of many. During World Conference of 1992, a church official stood up and addressed the body on the Church’s policy regarding homosexuals in the priesthood. He reassured the conference that there was no change to the policy. What he obviously did not say was that the church was ignoring the policy and ordaining individuals that publicly professed to be homosexual and practiced this lifestyle. Policy or no policy, committee or no committee, the church was moving out in this direction.
In the winter of 1992, I gathered all my research and with a proposal in hand met with my sub-committee. After eighteen months of work, I was prepared that my proposal to leave the policy as is, would not be accepted. At the same time these months of work only confirmed to me that the church needed to offer a ministry to homosexuals. We are all sinners and we all need Jesus to show us the path to freedom from our sin nature. My research was filed and the job God asked me to do was over. But I was not expecting what came next. As I left the Temple, God spoke to my heart. He seemed to be saying “choose me or the church.” It was true. There was a choice to make. Was I going to follow Jesus, surrendering my life totally to Him? Or, was I going to stay in a church that did not accept Jesus as Lord and Savior and did not accept His word as truth. I knew leaving the church would have a major impact on my family of origin. I love my mother, sister, and brother and did not want to hurt them, but my decision to follow Jesus Christ was now life itself. I chose to accept Jesus as Savior and Lord and trust Him with the details of my life, including my family.
God in his wisdom had placed me in a position that ultimately would
present me with a choice. It was difficult leaving family and friends but
receiving Jesus as Lord and Savior and placing Him first in my life has been the
greatest decision I will ever make. God gave me a new heart and a new marriage.
I can now read His Word and understand his message. Austin and I are now in the
company of many new family members; the family of Christ. Praise God!
I was born into and raised by a very loving and caring RLDS family, so as I grew up the church’s fundamental teachings were near and dear to my heart. I believed, as I was taught, that the RLDS church was the “only true church” upon the face of the earth.
In my youth, I spent much time reading Joseph Smith’s version of the Bible, The Book of Mormon, and the Doctrine and Covenants. I started striving for that sanctification that I thought I must first reach, in order to be a worthy follower of Christ. During that period of time I fell into many temptations of the world. I could not understand why I could not break free from the darkness that began to take hold of me, as I was trying hard to follow the church teachings.
In my teenage years, I made many wrong and foolish choices that brought about much heartache and pain in my life. I believed that if I could only achieve a higher level of righteousness by my own good works, I would come to some spiritual perfection in my life, and that in turn, I would be free from those worldly chains that were wrapped around me. This kind of thinking only intensified the depression I felt with each failure I experienced. Over and over again I would try with all of “my” strength to live a righteous life, only to once again fall back into the ways of the world.
“What was I doing wrong”? This was a question that I continued asking myself, with each passing sin I stumbled into.
In the midst of my unstable life, I met a wonderful sweet girl with whom I fell in love and married. Though she was such a strength to me I became quite a stumbling block to her. She had been raised in the Baptist faith so I was always pushing my religion on her, trying to convince her that mine was the true church.
As the years passed I continued trying to make my wife into the person I thought she should be. Unfortunately, I found out too late that I really loved her just the way she was. Sadly, she found herself unable to continue in our relationship and the marriage ended, although I still desired in my heart to spend the rest of my life with her and our new beautiful little daughter.
I found myself even more miserable than ever before. In the pit of despair, I began longing more and more for my ex-wife and daughter to return into my life. I sought the elders of the church on many occasions for spiritual strength and guidance, but received only temporary comfort. I soon fell back into my old sinful lifestyle.
I was always able to make many friends from all different walks of life, with a superficial personality. Though I was hurting on the inside, I would hide behind a happy mask, pretending that all was well on the outside. Even my friends could not fill that deep dark void in my life.
As I continued going back to church, I could not understand why I was still feeling such a spiritual hunger. I began wandering aimlessly in a spiritual desert, thinking I had the fullness of the gospel and carried with me the light of God. Little did I know that I was actually in spiritual darkness and how great that darkness was. I believed that when I was reading and studying the three standard books of the church, I was feasting upon God’s holy words, but I soon found out that I was only feasting on crumbs.
One day as I was reading in II Thessalonians Chapter 2, I came to these words, “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie.” This scripture came to me in such power. Could I be under some kind of delusion? This uncomfortable thought continued arising in my mind from time to time.
Questions also began to surface with regard to many of the church teachings that did not seem to me to be in harmony with the Bible. So I began praying for discernment, still feeling that the church was right and that perhaps the devil was trying to deceive me into even questioning it.
As time passed, I began researching and I discovered many discrepancies in the church doctrines and history. The more I would try to somehow rationalize them, the more inconsistencies I found. Something was happening and I was not quite sure what. I continued praying, and asked Jesus Christ to come into my life and to be my personal Lord and Savior. A wonderful feeling of peace and comfort came upon me.
After analyzing numerous historical pieces on Joseph Smith and the establishment of his church, and last of all the Book of Mormon, I put all of the pieces together and was completely shocked at the picture that was before me. I could no longer deny the facts. The church I grew up in and loved was a “counterfeit religion” with a “false prophet.” I had been deceived, but my prayers were answered and I found the truth I had been seeking.
The truth is that Jesus Christ is the “only way”. “I am the way, the truth and the life, no man cometh unto the Father but by me,” says Jesus (John 14:6). The true gospel is not in the RLDS church but is the Good News that Jesus was born, died, and rose from the dead so that we may live. “But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed”(Gal. 1:8). We do not come to God through some legalistic religious organization created by man, but only through the perfect Son of God.
It is not a “religion” that has saved me but a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It is only by surrendering completely to Him, believing in His finished work upon the Cross, and trusting only in the sweet grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ, that I have been saved, not by any works of my own. “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousness are as filthy rags; (Isa. 64:6). The best that I can do in my own effort is as filthy rags before the Pure and Holy God. We cannot earn our way into the Kingdom of God, because salvation is a free gift; we only need to receive that gift.
Christ, who fulfilled the Law of Moses, has set us free from the law of sin and death. He took the punishment that we deserve. It should have been us on the Cross, not Him. But even that would not atone for my sins, only the sacrifice of a “perfect lamb” without blemish or spot, would satisfy the Law and Christ alone did that. He did all this because He loves us. He wants us to experience Him from the very hour that we are “born again”. Not just to be saved for the future, but to be saved for today. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).
Mormonism keeps men in bondage to the Law. It leads people to believe that what Christ did on the Cross was not good enough and that we must somehow add to what He did. We cannot add to or take away from the finished work of Christ. Our good works are a result of our faith in Him, not a pre-requisite for salvation. We do good works out of gratitude and thankfulness for what He has done for us, not because we are trying to earn our way into heaven. The Bible teaches: Faith = Salvation + works not Faith + Works = Salvation.
If people would only search the Bible and let the Holy Spirit open their eyes and ears to the True Word, they would know the truth. If they would only search the historical facts of Mormonism, they would find a weak, unsteady “sandy foundation” that was not created by God, but man. “Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you (Mat. 7:7).
Though I have had to face the consequences of leaving the RLDS church by experiencing some rejection from family and friends, God has been with me all the way. He has made the transition bearable. He has been my complete strength in getting through this new change that has taken place in my life. It is as though my whole life up to this time was a dream and I have now been awakened to the truth. I am now a completely new person who can see the real world around me with new eyes. God is so good!
I now feel such a great joy that I have never had before, a joy that only comes through a ‘real’ relationship with Jesus Christ. He is now everything to me! He has removed the guilt and pain from my past by removing those blinders that Satan had put before my eyes for so many years. Yes, the truth does set you free! This freedom comes not by “my good works” but only by the sweet and loving Grace of God. He lifted me out of my darkness and brought me into His light. Only by the “blood of Jesus” have I been made clean. Praise the Lord! My prayers are that others who are lost in Mormonism may also come to the freedom and truth that is found only in Jesus Christ.
Brock
Hollett
Grain Valley, Missouri
I was born and raised in the RLDS church, a fifth generation Latter Day Saint. I grew up hearing stories of how my great-great grandmother was struck blind while milking a cow, and how a voice came from heaven telling her that the RLDS church is “My church.” My mother told me about her visit with the angel Moroni, who showed her the golden plates. These kinds of stories are too numerous to recount, but it suffices me to say that if anyone could boast of a rich heritage in the RLDS church, it was me.
When I was eight, I was baptized by my father and subsequently confirmed a member of the RLDS church. I attended and counseled at many church camps at Brush Creek reunion grounds in Southern Illinois. I witnessed RLDS “prophecies” and “healings” firsthand, and attended an RLDS church regularly in St. Charles, Missouri. After the split in the church in 1984, our family continued to be faithful to the hierarchy for many years. In 1993, our family began to meet as a restoration cell group in our basement. In 1995, I was an intern for the Foundation For Research On Ancient America in Independence, Missouri. I gathered with my family that year to Independence, the place Joseph Smith had appointed as the city of Zion. I became a member of the Blue Springs Restoration Branch, and was ordained as an Aaronic priest on September 2l, 1997.
In the summer of 1996, I toured Southern Mexico with my father and three friends, one of whom was the best friend of the Book of Mormon archaeologist Roy Weldon. It was his fifty-first trip to Mesoamerica. I was excited to have the opportunity to see the ruins of what I thought had been the civilizations of the Nephites, Lamanites and Jaredites. Although I was convinced at the time that these were pyramids, tombs, and artifacts of the Book of Mormon civilizations, I now recognize that none of the archaeological and geographical evidence in the New World substantiates the claims of the Book of Mormon.
In 1997, I was hired by the RLDS church as a tour guide in Nauvoo, Illinois. I gave tours through the Joseph Smith homestead, Mansion House, cemetery, and Red Brick Store. I learned a lot about church history that is not found in the official RLDS history books. I remember learning about the Kinderhook plates from which Joseph Smith gave a false translation; He claimed that they were about God cursing Ham and his descendants. I also studied the Book of Abraham, Joseph’s false translation by means of the Urim and Thummim of a facsimile of the Egyptian Book of the Dead, in which he introduced his theology of the plurality of Gods – a mystery that he believed needed restoring. RLDS believers didn’t deny that this was a false translation given by Joseph Smith, but I was told that this doctrine was just “Joseph’s opinion.” (Note: the doctrine of polytheism in the Book of Abraham was accepted by the RLDS elders before the turn of the century).
After my ordination, I felt it my duty to defend the doctrines of the church and zealously promoted the cause of Zion and the Book of Mormon. I preached sermons, gave the Lord’s Supper, and taught classes with great vigor. I continued studying the church history volumes and the three standard books, but to my dismay, I found a myriad of discrepancies. I noticed that the Book of Mormon anachronistically quoted the King James (1611 Authorized) Version of the Bible, even when the KJV was faulty in it’s translation! Yet I continued to defend Joseph Smith’s claims.
On June 27, 1998, I married a restoration woman from the Blue Springs Restoration Branch. Two months after our wedding I decided to read the Book of Mormon for the fifth time. Five days later, I had finished it in its entirety, and had written down the errors that I found. I was shocked at how many errors there were – scientific, geographic, archaeological, doctrinal, and anachronistic. I fasted and prayed to the Lord, asking Him to show me if the Book of Mormon could be divine in spite of what I found. I prayed, “Lord, what do You want me to do?” (Acts 9:6)
The Lord continued to show me how the Bible is of divine origin, whereas the Book of Mormon was solely of human origin. I noticed the difference between what the Bible claims about Scripture and what the Book of Mormon claims about it. The Bible says that the Scriptures are God-given (2 Tim. 3:16; 2 Peter.1:20, 2l), and that God’s Word is inerrant (Ps.12:6; 119:140; Prov. 30:5; John 10:35) and infallible (2 Tim. 3:16,17). In the Bible, Jesus affirms that Scripture is God’s Word. He substantiated many of His claims by saying, “it is written” (e.g. Matt. 4:4,7,10), “the Scripture cannot be broken” (John 10:35), and “all things must be fulfilled which were written”(Luke 24:44). He also said that even though heaven and earth would pass away, “one iota or smallest stroke of a letter will by no means pass from the law” (Matt. 5:18; Luke 16:17).
The Book of Mormon however, has a very different perspective on Scripture. Concerning the Book of Mormon, it says, “if there be faults, they be faults of a man” (Title pg; Mormon 4:21), the writers “had weakness in writing” (e.g. Ether 5:23), there are “imperfections in it” (Mormon 4:14), and there is the possibility of “mistake” (Title Page; 3 Nephi 4:3). It also says about the Bible that “many plain and precious things…have been taken out” (I Nephi 3).
The Bible affirms that salvation comes through grace alone by faith alone in Christ alone (Eph. 2:8, 9; Acts 4:10,12; John 3:16) and not by our actions (Eph. 2:8, 9; Tit. 3:5; Rom. 4:4, 5). Faith is not our work, but the work of God the Holy Spirit. Joseph Smith taught salvation by works (Doc. and Cov. 16:7d; 76:5b; 97:4b,d; 2 Nephi 11:44; 13:13, 2l, 24-26; Hel. 4:7l; Rom 4:16 I.V.).
As my understanding changed, I was forced to admit that my water baptism, my tithes, my missionary work, my church attendance, my ownership of the three standard books, my ordination, my desire for Celestial glory, or even my heritage in the RLDS church couldn't save me from an eternal hell. I needed eternal life and joy that is only found in God the Son. I saw myself as a wretched, condemned sinner (Rom. 3:23; 5:18; 7:24) who needed God to take His own righteousness and credit it to me as if it were actually mine (Rom. 4; John 3), and that is exactly what He did when I put my trust in Him. I know I have eternal life (I John 5:13; Eph. 1:13,14), because of Jesus’ finished work on Calvary’s cross. I can never lose this life – it is eternal (Phil. 1:6; John 10:28, 29; 3:16).
After being born again, I publicly witnessed this forgiveness of sins by being water baptized (at a local Baptist church). In the next few months after I gave up my priesthood, I lost most of my friends whose hearts were broken because of my leaving “the church.” I am now twenty-one and my marriage is ending in divorce (Luke 12:51-53; I Cor. 7:15,16).
I find a lot of comfort in the words of the apostle Paul:
“…if anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more
so: circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the
Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee; concerning zeal, persecuting the
church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. But what
things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also
count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my
Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as
rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own
righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ,
the righteousness which is from God by faith, that I may know Him and the power
of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to
His death (Phillippians 3:4-l0).
Bob
Perkins
Independence,
Missouri
I was baptized into the RLDS church when I was eight years old in a small church in Turlock, California. My family moved back to Independence in 1982, and after the church split in 1984 I began to go to different restoration branches. I met my wife in 1989 after she ‘gathered to Zion’ and we were married in 1991. We settled in at a restoration branch and began planning for the future. Little did I know that within three years our religious foundations would be shaken.
As we studied the scriptures, we began finding contradictions within the doctrine of the church. We asked different priesthood members about these contradictions but none had any answers for our questions. Some even told us that since it wasn’t a salvation issue, it didn’t matter. I was always taught that what ever was written in the “three books” was gospel. Now this “true gospel” was beginning not to make sense. We stopped going to church around the fall of 1995. My wife felt led to start looking for a church home in the spring of 1996. We tried different restoration branches but to no avail so we started staying home again. At this point I didn’t care about going to church at all.
The Lord on the other hand, had a different idea. I couldn’t go to a church outside the restoration because being raised RLDS we believed that we belonged to the “One True Church.” So if I went to another denomination then it wouldn’t be Christ’s church. Boy, was I wrong. We began attending Woods Chapel Baptist Church in the fall of 1996. At this time I still wasn’t really excited to be going to church, but I went because of my wife and my child. During the next three years I watched my wife grow in her love of the Lord, yet I still lagged behind.
I finally opened my heart to God on September 24, 1999, when I went to Promise Keepers with some friends from church. The first sermon started at 7:00 p.m. The preacher’s words hit me like a hammer. He asked questions like, “if you were to die tonight, would you know where you were going?” and also “are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?” At this point I felt the Holy Ghost convict me. I had told my wife for the last several years that I didn’t like the person I was. I was filled with hate and anger. Let me tell you something, on September 24th I asked the Lord Jesus Christ to come into my heart and was saved. Since that moment all the hate and anger has left me.
I now realize that a personal relationship with Jesus comes first, not a
relationship with a church. Our salvation is in Jesus and what he did on the
cross. You can not earn your way to heaven by being a member of the RLDS church
and by doing good works…that is a man-made salvation. The criminal on the
cross said “Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom,” and Jesus
replied, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.” The
criminal believed in Jesus and he was saved. Ask yourself, are you sick and
tired of being sick and tired? If
you are, my prayer is that you will come to know Jesus and the peace and freedom
that He can bring into your life.
I was born and raised into a good God fearing family in Ocala, Florida. My mother was raised RLDS but my dad was raised Southern Baptist and has never been fully converted over to my mother’s faith, although he does go to church with her. I realize now the one saving grace in my life was being sent to a Christian school where I heard the gospel message and was in the true Word of God on a daily basis. Because of this, I accepted Christ as my Savior at the age of five or six in the school chapel. This experience, of course, was not nurtured at home, as I was being told that there was more on my part to do than just believe…so life went on. But I did feel the Lord’s spirit with me constantly. I was baptized into the RLDS church at the standard age of eight years old and was thrilled with all the attention that was suddenly showered on me by my church and family. After I graduated from college I ‘gathered’ to the land of Zion—Independence, Missouri, where I have lived for the past ten years.
I met a good RLDS boy the day after I moved here and we married two years later. So I had fulfilled what I came here to do. I had moved to Zion, per the church’s command and married an RLDS member. God was done with me, my life was tied up in a neat little bow. Little did I know God’s work for me was just getting started.
Our spiritual walk as a couple was really growing but questions about the church began a couple of years after we were married As we tried to share this with friends and loved ones, we found many of them unreceptive and unexcited. We started finding contradictions within all three books, regarding doctrine and priesthood, and when we would ask one of the priesthood members about our questions, or share concerns, we were told it did not matter because it wasn’t a salvation issue. So like most good RLDS members we quit asking, accepted our situation and continued to struggle along with this ‘one true church.’
During this time we were blessed with a new member to our family, a baby girl. However, our unrest and inability to be spiritually fed continued to grow. I asked God why so many times. Why, now that we have a child and it is more important than ever to be in a church home, are we finding it harder and harder to go to church? So we visited several restoration churches, sure that we just had not found the right branch for us. Well, you guessed it, no luck. Later I came to realize it did not matter what branch we visited, when the trunk is rotten, the branches will not produce any fruit. So we sat at home off and on for a year. How could I even consider raising my child in a church, where, if we weren’t being fed, neither could we expect her to be? She was getting closer and closer to turning two years old and still we were sitting home.
As a mother, I started to feel panicked and concerned. God seemed silent about what we should do, and I knew that our daughter needed to be in a church home. So I fell on my knees begging God, to please tell me what to do. Silence again. Had God forgotten about us? Over the next few days, sin of all sins, I started to feel that maybe, just maybe, God wanted us in another church, as in a different denomination altogether. This couldn’t be God, it had to be Satan, because God told Joseph Smith that “all the other denominations were wrong and their creeds were an abomination and their professors were corrupt.”[1]
So who was right, this still small voice or Joseph? Well, I decided that by following Joseph Smith, I was sitting at home, as was my family, so let’s give the still small voice a try. To make a long story short, we had a few hits and misses, but found the right Christian church home for us. It took me about six months to feel sure that I was on the right path for myself, but for my daughter, I never had a doubt. They loved her and started teaching her about Jesus immediately. It was not just a babysitting service until she was eight, they truly cared about her and the Lord knew if I wouldn’t go to church for myself, I would go for her, and so I did. I heard the truth of the Word and started to blossom in the Jesus I had taken as Lord and Savior of my life so many years ago in that school chapel.
Today, I have come so far, and realize the full deception of Joseph Smith. There is NO PARTIALITY WITH GOD, as it says in Duet. 10:17, 2 Ch. 19:7, Luke 20:21 and Romans 2:11. I know now that salvation is not about a church or denomination, but about my foundation being on Jesus Christ. That salvation is found in no one else, for there is NO OTHER NAME under heaven given to men by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12). In my book, it is Jesus and Jesus alone who provides salvation, not a church, not a man, or anyone else, just Jesus, otherwise his death on the cross was for nothing. By getting into the Word of God, hearing the true gospel message and reading, RLDS Church: Christian or Cult? and Part Way to Utah, the Forgotten Mormons, I realized I was in a cult of Christianity.
Finally, I left the church and have never looked back. I removed my name from the official rolls and have since rededicated my life and commitment I made to Him so many years ago. Never in a million years would I have believed that I would be writing my testimony about leaving the church, the one I left home and family for. I didn’t realize that it was a sin to love the church more than God, because like all good RLDS members I saw God and the church as one and the same. Looking back now, over these past ten years I do believe that God’s plan was for me to be in Independence, but his long-term reasons were much different than mine.
It sickened me to think that Joseph Smith was once my hero. I had esteemed an individual who said that Christ’s agony on the tree was insufficient. Our salvation, Jesus’ blood setting us free from the law, was inadequate in Joseph’s eyes, so he put us back under the bondage of the law, making all that Christ came for a mockery. Today, I have chosen Jesus over Joseph and praise God I am free. Jesus’ sacrifice was enough, and when he said it was finished, he meant it. His church has never gone anywhere; it’s been scattered and under attack, but that was always part of God’s plan. He would never let His Son’s sacrifice have been in vain.
I pray my spiritual journey and resulting freedom, will encourage
everyone reading my testimony to see beyond all the RLDS do’s and don’ts and
embrace Jesus and the freedom HE ALONE offers. Only a saving relationship with
him will bring true peace and true joy, for when he says His burden is easy and
His yoke is light, that is really true. He is our hope, we no longer live in
fear. Don’t put God in a box, when He is so much bigger than that. He is
Sovereign, the Almighty, and we are His adopted children when we ask Him to be
Lord over our life. I can honestly say I will never go back to bondage again.
~~~
I appreciate this opportunity to put into words why I am no longer in the RLDS church. My story begins like so many others, as I was raised in the church, and had a wonderful childhood, a great family, and entered adulthood with a pretty solid sense that I would be in the church my entire life. I had a very rocky time in my early 20’s however, throwing out the values my parents had taught me, and participating in most of what the world had to offer. I came back to the church, however, with the resolve that I had the will to be the kind of good person necessary to be a constructive member of the church and society. As I married (a second time) and started my family, I had several occasions when I felt an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy or loneliness in the midst of a successful business, a nice family, and all the trimmings of a “happy” life. I look back and realize that I was probably just getting a glimpse of the futility that comes from trying to be a contented person through strictly human effort.
I spent several months in the mid -1980’s reading everything I could get my hands on relating to restoration history and Joseph Smith in particular. I came out of that period of time absolutely convinced that Joseph, and the whole origins of the RLDS church, had been misrepresented, and that Joseph was the classic example of a false prophet. My family and I began attending a Lutheran church, found lots of great fellowship and probably would have been content for many years in that setting. However, I began to feel an emptiness inside that would not go away, which I now feel was part of my longing to be fed what the Bible calls the “pure milk of the word.” My wife and I decided the time was right for a mid-life change and moved our family to the Kansas City area, and decided to give the church one more try. We had come to realize that the RLDS church had changed to such an extent that it certainly was not necessary to have any allegiance to Joseph Smith and the restoration to be a functioning, active member of the church.
Our lives were changed, however, after my wife began attending an interdenominational Bible study called Bible Study Fellowship. BSF starts with the premise that the Bible is God’s Word. It is led by speakers who are able to put the Bible in its proper context and they teach based on the premise that it is the word of God. My wife Julie, through this study, came to the realization that the most important decision she would ever make was the decision to accept the gift of Christ’s sacrifice on the cross, and to make Jesus Christ Lord of her life. After making this decision, she patiently encouraged me to make the same decision. I too began attending BSF, and came to a point in my life (that I had never come to in the RLDS church) where I also accepted Christ as my Savior.
During this time we were attending a large RLDS church. As a new believer in Christ, I found that I had an overwhelming desire to learn more concerning what God had to teach me through the Bible. I would compare it to being hungry every Sunday morning, and going to a restaurant where the subject of food was talked about, we all looked at food, we all sang about how great food was, but no one actually ate anything. In short, I wanted to be fed, and especially wanted my children to be in a setting in which they were being nurtured in Biblical truth. I found the opportunities for that to happen very rare. The only choice for our family was to leave the church once and for all and find a body of believers that honored the Bible and whose minister preached the Bible as God’s inerrant word.
Our experience upon finding such a church was one of the most enriching
and fulfilling of our lives. We suddenly were getting the sense of awe on Sunday
mornings and other times throughout the week that comes from hearing what God
said in his Word, and then finding applications in our own lives. In short, we
were suddenly being fed in a way I never experienced in the RLDS church. God
lifted from me the sense of frustration that I had felt my whole life. I
realized that I, as a believer, am guaranteed a place in heaven, and can know
without a doubt that I will spend eternity with God. I will get to partake of
the feast, and I will be fed.
I was born into and raised in the RLDS church, surrounded by RLDS immediate and extended family members, many holding priesthood offices. At age eight, I was baptized and confirmed into the church. Later on in my college years, I transferred to and graduated from Graceland College. During the following eleven years, I was active in church activities but not studious in the scriptures. I depended heavily on the testimonies of others and what I was taught rather than studying myself.
Throughout my college years and early into my marriage, I was feeling that I needed to get serious about studying the scriptures. I always had good intentions, but they always fizzled out. As long as I was a “good person”, I didn’t think much past that. My husband Mike, would ask me to study with him, but since I didn’t know much, I became defensive and said no. I didn’t want to make myself look bad.
In 1986, Mike and I started attending Buckner RLDS Church, became members, and were involved there for four years. During that time, the congregation went through some trying times in confronting the World Church on different issues. Ultimately, in 1987, the congregation was forced to leave the church building and held services several years in a local school. Mike and I remained active in the congregation, determined to stand for what we believed was right.
In the spring of 1990, I started seeing unrest within Mike as he continued an intensive study of all three books of the church. He tried to talk to me about issues he was studying. His method of study was simple; he wrote down verses with references under different subject headings. He did this with all three books of the church: The Inspired Version of the Bible, The Book of Mormon, and The Doctrine and Covenants. He went to several Melchizedek priesthood members to ask them about what he was finding. Many said they hadn’t studied it or they had no idea. I thought Mike was coming up with strange ideas and I chose to ignore them. After he requested inactive status in the priesthood and talked to the pastor about his concerns, I confronted him in late May of 1990 about what was bothering him.
We needed to resolve some things about attending a church home on a regular basis, rather than going here and there trying to avoid being used in the priesthood. That night he told me everything he could no longer believe and why. It devastated me. I could imagine what lay ahead of me. My world would fall apart. He had not wanted to tell me since I was seven months pregnant with our third child. He also knew the ramifications of facing my family with this news. Things had been building up for quite a while for him, but it had not been enough for him to give it all up, until he had studied the topic of the temple.
It was a very emotional time for me. Only after two weeks did I talk about it, and it was on my terms. It was at this point, although I didn’t recognize it immediately, that the Lord began a healing process in my life. My anger over what Mike had told me started to subside, and I found that my attitude had changed to that of determination to win Mike back to “the truth.” I hadn’t told anyone for fear of embarrassment.
Soon after this, Mike left town for a three-week school in Colorado, and at the same time my parents left town for three weeks. This, too, I was to find would be a blessing in my life. Suddenly I felt I had no one to turn to. Miraculously, I turned to the Lord for guidance in my study. I began to have an unquenchable desire to study. I used the note references Mike had compiled. I was using the Inspired Version. I found I didn’t know much. I knew just a little more in the Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants. I also studied Church History. I spent several hours a day studying the Scriptures and more time praying than anytime in my life. This subject of church was so important to me, that my quest to prove Mike wrong became first in my life. As I studied, I couldn’t deny what I was finding on the subjects of temple, high priest, salvation, priesthood, the trinity, etc. The doctrine I had been taught in the church was contradictory to what the Bible said. I began to see many contradictions within the three books themselves.
After three months of studying the scriptures, I checked out books about Joseph Smith, deciding to be objective and look at both sides of the issue. I figured the truth was still in the RLDS church, and my study would ultimately bring me back to it. I spent many hours at the World Church Library looking at the early materials of the original church in 1830. In the materials were negative claims against Joseph Smith which I didn’t believe at first. However, things started proving themselves out – history wise and through scripture. I was still trying to prove Mike wrong, so I abandoned these negative claims and went back to the Bible. Finally, out of frustration, I turned to the Lord and with a willing heart, asked Him to lead me to the truth wherever that would be – in or out of the RLDS church. All I wanted at this point was the TRUTH. I determined that God would have to show me the truth through the Bible, not by anything about Joseph Smith.
My testimony is that blinders were lifted off my eyes as I sought the truth in my study. For the first time in my life, I started to understand passages of scripture in a totally new light. I would read several verses before and after the main verse to understand the situation. Suddenly, I saw RLDS meanings for key “restoration” verses melt away and new wonderful meanings could be seen relating only to Christ. Many times I have been accused of following false spirits and taking verses “out-of-context” since I left the church. What I found was that Jesus says He is the TRUTH. No one should be afraid of checking the church out, if they sincerely want the truth. We are admonished to prove all things (I Thessalonians 5:21), and that is what I did and I found the peace that only Jesus can give. Jesus is the only TRUTH; He is the hope of my salvation, and there is no other name under heaven given, except Jesus’ name, that gives me my salvation (Acts 4:12). The hardest thing of all was finding out that I could no longer hold on to testimonies alone, but that they must be tested against God’s true word: the Bible.
It was a difficult struggle for me, as restoration beliefs are so different than the teachings of the Bible. After my search brought me to the realization that the RLDS church was not the only true church, I made the heart-wrenching decision to leave the church totally and turn away from its distinctive beliefs all together, including the Book of Mormon. It was a very difficult and painful process with family and friends, many rejecting us immediately. The Lord has called us to follow Him, not family and friends, experiences, “heritage in the church”, testimonies, or feelings (Matthew 10:34-38). Jesus is all we need for salvation. Make Him Lord and Savior of your life today if He isn’t already. We are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). In Romans 3:10, we are told that there is none righteous, no not one; all of our righteousness are as filthy rags to God (Isaiah 64:6). You must trust Jesus alone to save you, not church membership, baptism, or good works. His grace is sufficient for me! (II Corinthians 12:9). The Bible tells us that we can KNOW that we are saved (I John 5:13). It is not a prideful thing, but instead a very joyful and humbling knowledge of God’s love for us.
For many years, my eyes and ears focused on the RLDS church and the fullness of the gospel as taught in the church; I was religious, but not right with God. I tuned out and refused to believe anything else, especially rejecting the wonderful work done on the cross in my behalf. When I truly desired to seek the truth, no matter the cost, I found the truth pointing only to Jesus for He is the TRUTH. My ears heard and my eyes were opened for the first time in my life to the magnificent love of God for me through Jesus’ death on the cross. Jesus bore MY sins on that cross and paid the price for MY eternal salvation. The gospel is simply this: That Christ died for our sins…and that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day (I Corinthians 15:1-4).
I am so thankful that I found Jesus. The process was painful, but nothing
is more wonderful than to completely turn your life over to Him. I rejoice daily
for the salvation He has given me through the wonderful gift of grace. Most of
all, I am eternally grateful to Him for bringing me out of the deception of the
RLDS church and bringing me home to himself and that wonderful, personal
relationship I have found with Him.
I was raised in northwest Missouri by loving, encouraging parents who belonged to the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Born in 1965, and baptized at the age of eight, I was taught that I was a member of the ‘only true church’ and that God had restored His original institution through Joseph Smith, a prophet of the latter days. I was never given to questioning whether God loved me. It was a matter of fact, and I will always be grateful that my parents not only taught me that, but exemplified that abiding love to me also. I believed that I sometimes committed sinful acts that displeased God, but that I could be forgiven by being sorry enough for them to not ever do them again. If I truly meant it, I would be clean again like I was at baptism. (The trouble was that I always seemed to do something wrong again and again. What was the matter with me?) I was blessed to be the youngest of six children in a blended family; so I had many chances to learn life’s lessons by witnessing my siblings learning things the hard way. All in all I thought I was a pretty good person and I hoped when I died that God would forgive me of anything displeasing, and the heavenly scales would swing in my favor. Reputation reigned supreme. The only question I had about salvation was, “What if I died sometime between sin and repentance?” (providing I was ever really sorry enough anyway).
In high school I started dating a Baptist boy and we soon began having discussions about religion. He (Kevin) would occasionally ask me questions and I can’t think of one time I ever had a good answer for him, but it didn’t matter. I just knew I was in the right church. Surely, some R.L.D.S. priesthood member had the answers. I was absolutely scripturally illiterate. I could have rattled off the names of the books in the Book of Mormon; I could have told you stories like, “The Good Samaritan” and “Daniel in the Lion’s Den”; I could have spouted excerpts from church history, like the first vision story; and I could even have told you about Jesus dying on the cross; but I could never have simply told you about Jesus’ gift of salvation. I didn’t know about His death being a substitute for mine.
When the relationship between Kevin and I became more serious, so did the problems with our differing religious viewpoints. We visited with a couple of priesthood members as well as a couple of Baptist pastors. We were speaking a different language and I didn’t even know it. Nothing was resolved, but we were in love. The relationship came down to an ultimatum from me: “If you’ll just attend church with me I can live with that.” I was really thinking that if Kevin would come, he would see that the R.L.D.S. church was the true church. He agreed to attend so we got married. It sounds like a stupid thing to do considering the circumstances, but I will never stop thanking God for allowing it!
A few years passed: we had a couple of beautiful kids. Sometime in the midst of increasing our family, Kevin was feeling unfulfilled spiritually and was convicted by the Holy Spirit of unresolved sin which had caused his fellowship with God to suffer. He started reading the Bible, praying daily and attending his Baptist Church on Sunday nights and Wednesdays. Our R.L.D.S. Church didn’t hold services at these times. Attendance had dwindled and we weren’t even having prayer meetings for a while. I reluctantly attended with him most of the time because I didn’t have a good enough excuse not to go. I was actually refreshed when I was learning from Bible passages about people of God, historical facts and moral absolutes, taught by their pastor. He made practical sense out of what the Bible said. Kevin soon rededicated his life to Christ and began praying earnestly for me and for our relationship as husband and wife. I knew I should read my Bible too and it had always been something I would do “someday;” so I got a Revised English Version that I could understand better than the King James and I started in. I was helped by a read-the-Bible-through chart I had received from a women’s class at a non-denominational church. I had been invited to attend these classes by a Christian friend and I was so struck by their obvious relationship with Jesus and their knowledge of the scriptures.
We had our third child and that Christmas Kevin bought a New International Version Bible for me so I continued reading in it. We had also been listening to a Christian radio station regularly and were learning so much from the sermons and Bible teachers. I wondered though, how so many of those Christian Radio Teachers could have the Spirit of God, when they had never been ordained in the “true priesthood.” But it was very evident to me that they did have God’s Spirit. What was it, then, that we had as R.L.D.S. people, that they were missing? What I didn’t know was that they had something that I was missing. “The Bible Answer Man” program was on one day when Kevin heard a Mormon person call in to the show and discuss some things with Hank Hanegraaff. This sparked his interest enough to write to the Christian Research Institute to get some more information on Joseph Smith and church history. I didn’t know about this yet and I was still very staunch in my religious convictions.
In October of 1994, I was visited by my R.L.D.S. pastor and called to the priesthood, to the office of “priest.” We had still been faithfully attending the R.L.D.S. Church on Sundays and I was growing in knowledge as I read God’s Word. I wasn’t really surprised by this calling since women were now allowed into the priesthood and I was faithful in attendance, but it did present a dilemma for our family. I knew Kevin would not fully support me in this because, after seven years of marriage and attendance he still had never joined the church. Also, I would possibly be speaking at other congregations and I couldn’t see him and the kids coming with me to do that. It was an awkward situation. I read the priesthood manual and contemplated accepting the call but never acted on anything. No one from church ever asked me about it again. The pastor didn’t even follow up on it, so it was just brushed under the rug. I never told my family either because I was afraid they would push me to accept without considering some of the problems that I could foresee.
At this point, Kevin gently presented me with a small amount of literature he had received. It related some practical, documented discussion about two topics: Joseph Smith’s claims to be a prophet, including some facts about his life and prophecies, and the Biblical texts used to prove the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. Common sense made it clear that if Joseph Smith wasn’t what he claimed to be, the whole church structure and beliefs fall. It all rested on his truthfulness, and the facts I read called it into serious question. Hebrew scholars explained some key words and passages in Isaiah 29 and Ezekiel 37 that destroyed the arguments used by fellow church members that these passages referred to the Book of Mormon. I was speechless, and even angry; so I just put all this on a mental shelf.
We later received some videotapes about creation versus evolution by a man named Kent Hovind. Dr. Hovind answered many questions I had had about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, the flood, etc. in such a way as to merge the Bible and science in a completely compatible way. I was annoyed at first by his adamant claim of the complete reliability of the Bible as the Word of God, but everything he said made so much sense. Not long after we viewed these tapes I finished reading the Bible. (It was September 1995 and it was about this time that I asked Jesus to be my Savior.) It had taken me exactly three years to get through the whole thing. I was thoroughly convinced by that time that it had to all be true. What else is there to stand on? If the Bible isn’t true in its entirety, then anything goes. There has to be something in this world that is beyond the subjective reasoning of humans. There has to be something absolute and true to guide our lives by.
I had been taught that the Bible was good, but that it had been mistranslated down through the years by various scribes. The result of that thinking is an incomplete trust of what the Bible says—a more serious and dangerous philosophy than I had ever imagined. (The first thing Satan said to Eve was a question making her doubt God’s Word. Genesis 3:1) That then, leaves you with the task of deciding which parts are of God, and which parts aren’t. Your guess is as good as mine—unless a prophet has been given the original Word again. I began researching the Inspired Version as compared to the King James Bible. My Aunt had given me an invaluable tool for this – “Joseph Smith’s New Translation of the Bible” – a book showing side-by-side differences between the two versions. I believe that because I now had the Holy Spirit to guide and to teach, I was able to see some irreconcilable problems between the Inspired Version and the Word of God (I Corinthians 2:12-14.)
During this time I was privileged to be the Senior High Youth Sunday School teacher. I had some of the Church’s curriculum but I was free to use material from other sources too so I chose some appropriate literature from a Christian bookstore I frequented. Among the many things I learned while I was teaching, was a lesson on Jesus being God. Well, I didn’t really disagree with that, but had never really thought about it being exactly true either. Jesus is God’s Son, but is He God? Did He ever sin? I found places in scripture that affirmed that He is God and that He is sinless (John 1:1, 10:30; II Corinthians 5:21). After coming to the firm belief that Jesus IS God incarnate, I was realizing more and more how hard it is to make Christianity and the R.L.D.S. religion compatible, even down to the story of the first vision which related Joseph Smith having seen TWO personages. God is Spirit (John 4:24) and Jesus is God in the flesh (Philippians 2:5-8, Colossians 1:15)—so Joseph was either strongly deluded, or he was lying.
By November of 1995 I was having serious enough doubts about the doctrine and origins of the R.L.D.S. Church that I began more openly questioning things and even writing to various organizations to get more information on the subject. I was referred to a group called Christian Liberty Outreach in Independence, Missouri, who provided me with an abundance of literature regarding historical inaccuracies and doctrinal errors distinctive to the R.L.D.S. Church. I was overwhelmed. I felt like one feels when they’ve been lied to by a trusted friend. I couldn’t refute the documentation of the things about Joseph Smith that the Church never taught me. I read with my own eyes in black and white the hundreds of inconsistencies between historical fact, archaeology, the Bible and what Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon claimed. I was appalled. I was scared. I was heartsick. I became thoroughly convinced that the R.L.D.S. church and its leadership were not of God as I had previously assumed. I knew I had to leave the church. I couldn’t raise my children in a church that taught false doctrines and purposely concealed parts of its own history from its membership.
I prayed for God’s guidance as I endeavored to tell my family and church friends that we would no longer be attending church with them. It came as quite a shock to them and I fully expected hurt feelings and lots of questions. The hurt feelings certainly became a reality but I was unfortunately surprised by the lack of questions I was asked. No one wanted to know why nearly as much as I wanted to tell them why. Because of my strong relationship with my family, I had every reason to believe they would at least hear me out; but I was forbidden to speak about it and the subject of religion became taboo. This added to the agony of leaving a heritage that was once so dear to me. I leaned on Jesus and my newfound faith in Him to hold me up through this stormy time. I knew He was all I needed, which leads me to tell you now about coming to know Him…
Back in the autumn of 1995, while I was nearing completion of reading the Bible through for the first time, I was dealing with that previously mentioned dilemma: What happened if I died between sinning and repenting? I couldn’t be perfect like I was supposed to be; but if I was going to heaven just because God loves me, then so was everybody that had ever lived – He loves everybody, right? I knew I had to “believe” in Jesus and I thought that salvation rested on something I had to do, be or maintain. I had grown up thinking that salvation was based on my behavior and my choices in life and that being R.L.D.S. earned merits with God. I believed in hell, but I really didn't think there would be too many people going there (only the really bad ones) and I certainly wasn't worried about myself being completely condemned. I was an OK person. Anyway, God is the perfect judge, so I would just have to wait until I died to know my eternal destiny, and hope for the best. I had no assurance of my salvation but, basically, my belief was that God graded on the curve. However, some people did have that solid assurance of being “saved.” How could they be so cocky?
Then, God told me through His perfect, preserved Word, by the power of the Holy Spirit, what I was seeking to know…The Bible is completely trustworthy, and it says that we are saved by God’s gracious mercy through faith in Jesus, and that it’s not of ourselves. It is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8-9). You can’t earn a gift because it would deny the very nature of it and you couldn’t call it a gift. You just humbly receive it – it’s called having faith; faith that what Jesus did on the cross is complete, sufficient, satisfying to God, and done. I didn’t just “believe” in Jesus and give mental assent to His existence, death and resurrection; now I trusted Him. What a difference in perspective I had been shown! My faith in the fact that Jesus suffered, shed His blood and died in my place for all the sins I have ever committed, or will ever commit, is satisfying to God. Then HE is the one who does all the good works He has ordained for you to do, through you (Ephesians 2:10, Philippians 2:13). The wages of sin – any amount of sin – is death (Romans 3:23) and my debt has been paid. All my good works of service to God amount to a pile of filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6), compared to the all-sufficient atonement of Jesus on the cross. I learned that repentance doesn’t just mean “I’m really sorry,” it’s a change of mind about who I’m following, and about what direction I’m going – deciding to agree with God about Himself and about my sin.
Realizing that I had a sinful nature because I am a fallen human in a fallen world, was a huge factor in acknowledging my need of the Savior. I was convicted of my sin and humbled to repentance. I wasn’t born a child of God; I was born spiritually dead, separated from God. That’s why I had to be born again – to be alive spiritually by faith in Jesus (John 3:6-7; Romans 5:18-19). It was evident to me that this is so true when I thought of the selfish nature of a little child and how they have to be taught to be good, not taught to be bad. The Bible says we are condemned already and there’s only one way to salvation (John 3:18,36).
How can I say that my works don’t count? What about all the commands in the Bible about being righteous and serving the Lord? They do count and I am called to be righteous; but it all came together in my mind when God showed me that He changed my motives for good works when He changed my heart. Now I know that anything I do for God out of gratitude and love – because of what’s already been done and finished for me – is what will last. Being “good” in order to be saved or to stay saved will burn up – it can’t be done. When I realized that, I could cease my striving to appease God, and I was free. The truth really does set you free! I am saved and I know it because I know Jesus (II Timothy 1:12, I John 5:13; Jude 24). That’s not cocky, that’s the truth. My previous belief that I would be saved because of myself IS cocky – it’s called pride and God hates it (Proverbs 6:16-19, 8:13). I will wrestle with sin until the day I die and go to be with Jesus (Romans 7:17-25); but God says that when I trusted Jesus as my Savior, He clothed me with Jesus’ righteousness and that’s what He sees when I come before Him. (Colossians 1:22, 2:13-14). I am whiter than snow even though I am imperfect on this earth. That’s the Good News! All I did was trust Jesus! It isn’t because I was good enough; it isn’t because I had been baptized by the proper authority; it isn’t because I believed in extra-biblical revelation or someone claiming to be a prophet; it isn’t because I was a member of an organization that is pursuing peace and has a temple; it isn’t because I was so sorry for my sin that I promised to never do it again; It’s faith in Jesus – period.
You can have salvation right here and right now, no matter who you are or what you’ve ever done, Jesus paid for it. God does love you, and that’s all you need. Tell God right now that you admit your sinful condition before his perfect holiness and accept His wonderful gift of love and forgiveness in His Son Jesus. Relinquish Lordship from yourself to Him. You can be sure He will complete the work that He will begin in you the moment you ask (Ephesians 1:13-14, Philippians 1:6).
Kevin and I have a better marriage than ever, now that we are brother and sister in Christ, and we are active members of a historical Christian denomination that does not claim to be the only church that God is pleased with (see R.L.D.S. Doc. and Cov. 1:5e). Our church family studies God's Holy Word, prays, worships the Lord, loves each other and is on a mission to spread the hope Jesus gives. I hope that you will trust Jesus as your Savior and consider finding a place of worship that promotes the Bible as God’s complete written revelation to us and praises Jesus as the only sufficient and complete atonement for reconciliation with God.
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He has said
To
you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?”
I was born in April of 195l, in Opa Locka, Fla., the youngest of six kids. When I was seven days old I was baptized into the Catholic Church. When I was three, my family moved to West Palm Beach, Florida. I considered myself a pretty good Catholic. My future husband moved to Florida from Independence, Mo. when he was eleven. I met him when he was turning seventeen and I would soon be sixteen. He was RLDS and was attending church at the YWCA in West Palm Beach. I went to church with him sometimes. We dated for two years and were married in the RLDS church in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., Aug. 1, 1969. Soon after we were married our church moved into a new building about six blocks from our house. We were very active in the church even though I was not yet a member. I attended “cottage meetings” on how to become RLDS and when they were completed two priesthood members came to me and said, “You’re ready to be baptized.” Even though I didn’t feel ready, I was baptized. I remember feeling uneasy about the whole thing, even as the baptism took place. The elders laid hands on me and confirmed me and afterwards my husband asked if I felt anything as they confirmed me and I’ve always wondered what was supposed to feel?
Our daughter Lori was born seven months after my baptism. We remained very active in our church—a very close-knit, loving group of people—like one big family. I felt like I was very close to Jesus and had lots of good times with our group at all of our services, camps, pot-lucks, etc.
In July of 1977 we moved to Independence, Missouri so my husband could be near his parents and younger brother who had returned to Independence two years earlier. We attended different RLDS churches, but the people in the “Centerplace” didn’t seem to welcome new people like our West Palm Beach group had. We soon moved to Blue Springs and two months later our son Brad was born. We continued visiting other churches and finally ended up at the Colburn Road Church.
In Sept. of 1987, my husband and I separated temporarily, and as a result, I was admitted to the hospital after not eating or sleeping for eleven days. They diagnosed me as “Bi-Polar” or Manic Depressive. After three days of all kinds of tests, I was put on “lithium” which I took three times a day. The Dr. talked like the pill would solve all my problems. Basically all the pill did was keep me from staying up around the clock. It didn’t help the depression. I always wanted to “help myself.” I would buy self-help books and I tried to be positive, but still I found myself depressed most of the time with occasional manic episodes. I would lock myself in the bathroom with knives or sharp objects or a bottle of pills, trying to get up the courage to end my life. Many times when close friends found I had a depressive illness and was in the care of psychiatrists and psychologists, they would confide in me as if I could help them with their problems. After years of counseling I did get pretty good at counseling others. Sure I could talk the talk but when it came to myself, there was nothing that would take care of the depression. I would always pray about it. I never felt like I let go of God. I thought about going to the priesthood for administration (laying on of hands) but this little voice inside would say “Oh, you don’t want to do that”! Over the next eleven years there were suicide attempts, but the worst was when I stepped out in front of oncoming traffic. The Lord sent a guardian angel to watch over me that day or I would not be writing this today.
When RLDS World Conference occurred, my husband and I would go to the auditorium in hopes of seeing friends from Florida. During one conference our pastor from West Palm Beach came to our house to visit us. At that time there was a lot of talk about women being called to the priesthood. But it was just talked about at that time. As we were discussing this subject the pastor said, “I’ll stay in this church until something better comes along!” I carried those words around with me for years!
Then word came through the “prophet” of the church that we would have women in the priesthood. Some of our friends joined restoration churches but my husband said he was staying with the church even though he disagreed with women in the priesthood. I began to pray that the Lord would show me where he wanted me. In answer to my prayers the Lord showed me that I was not to be in the RLDS church at all!
The Doctor’s continued to try and help me with my illness. At one point I was on fifteen pills a day! I felt that no one cared at all for me, but I always knew my daughter and son loved me. After burying my oldest brother and dealing with another terrible tragedy in our family in Florida, I had a third breakdown. My kids tried everything to get me to go to the hospital. I finally gave up and went when the police came out and put handcuffs on me and put me in the back of a police car. They took me to Research Psychiatric Hospital. After a year of out-patient therapy, my Doctor said, “there’s nothing more I can do for you.” I had lots of Christian friends praying for me, but I remember thinking, “I’ll have this the rest of my life, I might as well get used to it.” Then one night on the TV I saw Pastor Paul Brooks from the First Baptist Church of Raytown. He was talking about how to defeat depression! The sermon was excellent and he used many Bible verses. He recommended doing four things: 1) change your diet, (2 get adequate rest at night, 3) read the Bible everyday, and 4) have church leaders place hands on and pray for healing. I told my husband about the program and he advised me to go to the RLDS priesthood. But I did not want to go to them for administration, I would rather have lived with the depression.
About this time, my daughter began witnessing to me. She had left the RLDS church six years earlier. A neighbor had recently given her the book “RLDS Church: Christian or Cult?” We rode around in her car one day for miles while she talked and I listened. Then one day she called me and we stayed on the phone for six hours. Before I hung up I asked her for the book. One day my son walked in and I showed him what I was reading and he said, “Oh, it’s true Mom.” The next time I was alone I took the book and Joseph Smith’s “Inspired Version” of the Bible. The Lord immediately opened my eyes. At that time my daughter and I were having a garage sale, during which we were invited to four different Christian churches. I took some money from the sale and told her I wanted to go buy myself a “real” Bible. She said she would take me to the store where they carry the book “RLDS Church: Christian or Cult”. We both decided we wanted to find a Bible believing church. I bought my Bible, and bought a little picture Bible for my Grandsons. For the first time in a long time I was feeling true happiness. As we were checking out the lady behind the counter invited us to her church on Sunday. We agreed we would go. As we walked to the car, she came to the door and said, “Teri and Lori, come Wednesday night too, it’s at seven o’clock.” As I turned back toward the car I felt this wonderful electricity go through my whole body! Not painful but a sweet feeling—“the Lord letting you know you’re heading in the right direction” electricity. The next Sunday my daughter and I began attending Eastside Baptist Church and we have been going there ever since.
We got into a Bible study class the pastor was teaching and one night in the class, I prayed to receive Jesus as my personal Savior. Now, each time I go to our church I feel so at home there. Soon after this I went to a prayer service where former members of the RLDS church met. There were nine people there (eight of which had come out of the RLDS church and a husband who had never joined.) We sang, we talked, we prayed. Then a man named Austin Morse asked if anyone needed prayer. I said, “I do, I’ve battled manic-depression for eleven years.” They all gathered around me and laid hands on my head and shoulders and began to pray. As we prayed I felt Jesus’ Spirit like I had never felt it before and He healed the Manic Depression. I felt the weight of the world lift from me. I felt like a totally different person! I don’t take medicine anymore and I don’t have any depression. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
After I was born again in the Bible study at church, I couldn’t wait to be baptized. Soon afterward, on a Sunday, I was baptized and I remember the wonderful feeling that was with me as I stepped into the water— it was perfect. I didn’t feel uneasy like I did at the first baptism. When I was RLDS, I felt like I might go to heaven, but now I know that I will because the Bible gives us that assurance (I John 5:13.). When I was RLDS I had head knowledge of Jesus, but now He lives forever in my heart. I have Him as my personal Savior. I have Him and His truth—the Bible. He’s there with us always and He’s patiently waiting for you to come to Him.
I once was lost, but now I’m found, was blind but now I see! (Isa. 41:10, Is. 26:3, Psalm 103:1-3, Psalm 147:3).
Lone
Jack, Missouri
Both of our families have been in “the Church” for generations. Both families can be traced back as far as 1833. We both stayed in the “fundamental” part of the church during the split. Carla attended the Chilhowee Restoration Branch for years, and I stayed with whatever congregation (Enoch Hill, Eden Heights, and finally New Hope) our family could find at the time that was remaining “true” to the “original gospel.” Carla and I were members of the group that started the New Hope congregation and we were married there. Also, during that time, I was called and ordained to the office of Deacon. Like all of the members that we knew, we believed that “the Church” was the only true church on the face of the earth and that only it had the whole truth of the gospel. We awaited the building up of Zion and the coming Kingdom. We sought to obey the Word of Wisdom and to be good church members. We felt blessed to have been born into families that had such long histories of involvement in the church. Carla’s family remains active in the Restoration groups and mine still attends at New Hope.
While Carla and I had both had questions about things that did not appear to match with the Bible over the years, these were usually explained away due to the facts given in the Book of Mormon and the Doctrine and Covenants. But in December of 1998, I came across a book entitled, Part Way to Utah: The Forgotten Mormons. The research and thorough approach was unlike other books against the church that I had read. Most of the time I had chuckled to myself when I had read anti-Mormon literature because the authors would get the details all wrong or were going against the Utah church that I thought was ridiculous anyway, so it served to strengthen my confidence that the Reorganization was the true gospel. This book forced me to confront the questions that I had about the church for the first time. So I began to study things out for myself.
Much to my surprise, I could not discount the issues that it brought up and as I began to look for answers to my questions, I found things that I did not like. For example, Joseph Smith was found guilty of being a “disorderly person” (which was a person that did not have employment and pretended to do things that he could not do) in an 1826 trial, after he pretended to be able to find buried treasure by looking into a stone. In this trial, Joseph was recorded as having testified himself that he could find buried treasure by looking into a stone. This would have been only a short time before he would have found the buried plates. I also found reference to Jesus Christ fulfilling the need for a High Priest forever, as He lives forever, and we have no need for anymore sacrifices to be offered except His. The Book of Hebrews is very clear about this, (specifically chapter 7:22-28), so why would Jesus have an office of High Priest in His church?
I had to share what was happening with Carla. We talked and began to study out what we had found. We began to ask priesthood members about our questions. What their advice boiled down to was that we simply needed to keep the faith and pray for a testimony that would remove all doubts or questions. Their response was all too often to simply begin to share their own personal testimonies. We were advised to just let go of some of the questions and accept that there was no answer. This is not meant to be directly critical of these men, as they all appeared to mean well and we did appreciate the effort that they gave. We believe that there simply were no better answers and they did the best with what they had. We were devastated by the idea that we could have been wrong for all these years, and that all that we had believed in and held sacred, could be a deception. We continued to search and eventually decided that what we had found required some action. We believed that we had a responsibility to worship God in truth and that we had to honestly act upon the answers that He gave us. Could we believe in the Reorganization? Could we continue to believe in the Book of Doctrine and Covenants or should we switch to the Book of Commandments? Could we believe in the Book of Mormon? Could we even believe in the need for a Restoration?
We found many, many things that time and space do not allow us to list, but we were distressed, for instance, to find that Joseph Smith had changed parts of the Book of Revelation, the very book containing the warning: “If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book…” Why would a true prophet of God not see the problem with that? More importantly, we had to ask ourselves why we would believe that Jesus Christ Himself could not set up a church that would stand, but that He would need a man to fix things later on? Zion was to be a physical kingdom, but Romans 14:17 clearly states that the kingdom is not physical, and Acts 17:24, 25 states that God does not live in temples made with human hands. The more we searched the Bible, the more problems we found. We also discussed the testimonies that we had received or had heard and how they contradicted each other or were inconsistent at times with any one of the Reorganized scriptures. It became a question of who we believed Jesus to be and what his gift meant to us.
As we searched for God, we found Him, and we found Him in the Bible. We realized that we could not get real answers from our own testimony (2 Tim. 4:4, 2 Thess. 2:11), but that truth must come from a reliable source: the Bible. We realized that no church is the way to God, but that Christ is the only Way. In Him we have found the truth. He guided us out of “the Church” and into His love and grace. To Him we offer all of the honor, praise and glory.
Since leaving the RLDS church and becoming saved, we have had to face the
reality of how members of “the Church” see us. Most believe that we have
denied our testimony and thus our faith. We know that some see us as lost. We
cannot begin to explain how this has impacted our lives. When the “ties that
blind” are severed, there is also sometimes little else to talk about. Looking
back, we now realize that the focus of “the Church” was on Zion rather than
the simple and precious gift of our Savior Jesus Christ.
Holt,
Missouri
I know that this is the true church, that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God and that the Book of Mormon is true.”
When I was a member of the Reorganized Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (RLDS), I told this testimony to lots of people. I told it to myself over and over again and I really did believe it. I had accepted the challenge in the Book of Mormon to pray and ask if it was true and I had gotten the so-called burning of the bosom. I sat in prayer and testimony meetings in several RLDS congregations and heard basically the same testimony repeated over and over again. When I would go into another congregation I was always asked, “Are you a member of “the Church?” When I was with other RLDS members I would hear, “he or she is a member of the “The Church.” All emphasis was, and still is, put on “The Church” – everything else is always secondary, including Jesus.
I did not have any form of religion as a child. When I was about nineteen, I was introduced to the RLDS church through a friend of mine. It wasn’t long before I was hooked. A couple of elders held cottage meetings in my home and when they were finished they asked if I would like to join “the Church?” This I did. I was baptized and confirmed a member of the RLDS church. I was never asked if I believed in Jesus, and I was never asked to confess Jesus before men as the Bible teaches (Matt. 10:32,33).
I began studying the Book of Mormon and also the Bible occasionally. I started attending church regularly and doing all the good things RLDS are supposed to do. I was told on more than one occasion that I was coming along fine and would probably soon be called into the priesthood.
I quit smoking, quit drinking and quit about everything else in my life, trying hard to be a good RLDS, for I had been told, and had also read in the Book of Mormon, how we are saved through grace, “after all we can do” (2 Nephi 11:44). However, no matter how good I was, I was still led to feel I could do more. The urge to smoke was always still there, the occasional urge to slip off to get a drink was always still there and so was about every other temptation you could name. Some temptations I gave in to and some I was able to resist. I always felt righteous when I had done well, and unrighteous when I fell short.
I tried everything to find peace and happiness in my life and was always let down. I had tried on numerous occasions to reach out to those in “the church” for help but had been let down.
One night when I was at one of the lowest points in my life, at a time when I least expected it, Jesus came ever so gently into my heart. The Lord showed me I didn’t need a ‘religion’ or denomination to reach out to, but that I needed a Savior—a personal relationship with Him. In the midst of some of the deepest problems a person could possibly have, Jesus came in and filled the void in my life—there was instant peace.
There I was in the midst of great turmoil in my life, face to face with the fact that I needed Jesus. Faced with the fact that I could never be good enough to live this present life or my future life in heaven without Jesus Christ. I had to face up to the fact that no testimony of any church was going to save me. At last I finally realized that there was only one way to heaven and that was through Jesus Christ, “Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).
When I finally really did accept Jesus and trust Him and only Him, I no longer needed a burning of the bosom because I now had something far greater. Jesus Christ came into my life and filled every ounce of me with the presence of His Holy Spirit. What I now had was peace in my life. The peace that only Jesus Christ living within your heart can give. Phil. 4:7 says, “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
When I finally came out from under the bondage of religion and gave my heart and life to Jesus, it became so clear to me that I had previously given my life to a church, and to a religion. I had been trying in my own power to overcome problems and sins in my life. All I previously had was a testimony based upon feelings and experiences.
What is amazing is the fact that these same types of testimonies are given in all of the 200+ different branches within Mormonism, all of which claim to be the “only true church.” Not only will you find the testimony of how the person prayed and knows that he or she is in the so called “only true church” but you will hear of healings, miracles and the amazing so called works of God in all of them.
The bottom line is, there is no possible way they can all be right. However there is one indisputable fact – there is only one right way and there can be only one true church. Everything else must be the wrong way, “There is a way that seemeth right unto man, but the end thereof are the ways of death” (Proverbs 16:25).
The truth is, there is a right way and there is a true testimony…that way and that testimony is Jesus Christ, “Jesus saith unto him, I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me”(John 14:6). That way and that truth is not found in a particular denomination or a particular church. It is found only when you accept Jesus Christ into your heart and make him Lord of your life. It is found only in having a personal intimate relationship with the living Lord of the universe.
Jesus Christ said, “I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:18). The church that Jesus built has withstood the test of time and the gates of hell have never prevailed against it. The true church is the one consisting of all of the born again believers of Christ. It is not distinguished by man named denominations. It is found in the lives and hearts of all those who put their total trust in Jesus Christ alone, “For in Him dwelleth all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. And ye are complete in Him which is the head of all principality and power”(Col. 2:9-10). Notice that we are COMPLETE IN HIM. If you go to the original Greek found in this passage you will find that complete means all the fullness of everything we need is in Him. We can not find completeness in a denomination or a church, only in Christ.
Now I would like to bear my testimony. My testimony is that Jesus Christ is real. That Jesus Christ can change your life if you will open your heart and receive him. He has helped me overcome sins and habits in my life that I never thought possible. He has given me “the peace of God that passeth all understanding” (Phil. 4:7), even in the midst of the deepest troubles and trials. He has given me freedom from having to defend a church or denomination. He has given me the blessing of being filled with the Holy Spirit, which is far greater than any burning of the bosom. He has given me the greatest testimony of all, that is just telling others about Jesus Christ. He has given me the greatest gift of all—eternal life
Now I would like to bear you God’s testimony:
“If we receive the witness of men, the witness of God is greater: for
this is the witness of God which He hath testified of His Son… And this is the
record, that God hath given to us eternal life; and this life is in His Son. He
that hath the Son hath life; and he that hath not the son of God hath not
life” (I John 5:9-12).
I was one of seven children born into a wonderful RLDS family. I felt very privileged to be raised in Independence Missouri, among those I believed were the Lord’s “chosen people.” I was baptized in the Stone Church at eight years of age and grew up never doubting the teachings of Joseph Smith. In 1948 I graduated from Graceland College, an RLDS educational institution at Lamoni, Iowa, and spent most of the next twenty years working in various church-related tasks such as teaching Sunday School, working in Zion’s League, directing youth choirs and the many other activities performed by faithful members.
In the 1960’s I became involved with a “dissident group” within the RLDS Church. Believing that the church leaders had gone into apostasy and that our group had been chosen by God to admonish them of their iniquities, we went to many congregations warning of the judgment of the Lord on leaders and members who would not repent and turn back to the “pure teachings” of Joseph Smith.
Our spiritual experiences were the compelling force that drove us to continue the “Lord’s mission.” These ranged from visions and dreams to audible voices, ‘miracles’, and prophetic messages. In one vision, I was shown the sealed portion of the Book of Mormon and was told that our group would receive this record when we met certain conditions. In another vision Jesus appeared to me, holding in his hand the three standard books of the church. Calling me by name, He said, “If you know what is in these books you will make it.” Needless to say, these experiences not only solidified my belief in the restoration but also in our group’s mission.
These continued encounters kept us in a type of “spiritual slavery” which is common to those who live by RLDS logic and reason. When something we were told failed to occur, we were always reassured by a still small voice which said, “Don’t give up, you have been brought thus far as a trial of your faith” (Doctrine and Covenants, Section 102:5c).
After several years of unfulfilled dreams, failed prophecies, and seeing the effect this was having on my family, I was forced to admit that I had been deceived. When people questioned me regarding my involvement in this group, I answered that when a person truly believes their ‘leader’ is God’s mouthpiece, they are bound to give absolute adherence to whatever instruction comes through them whether it makes sense or not. Those who have been entangled in this type of cult activity know this to be true. I have since learned that the Christian world has irrefutable proof that the Bible is reliable and completely trustworthy, and that it is the standard of truth by which all spiritual experiences must be measured.
Even after going through this period of being grossly deceived, I still believed wholeheartedly in Joseph Smith, the three standard books and the hope that Zion would someday be a reality.
My dad, who was an elder in the church, was the first person in my life that caused me to begin doubting the “restoration.” He told me he didn’t believe the Book of Mormon was divinely translated and that bothered me a lot, because he was very well read on matters pertaining to church history, and I really respected his opinion. He also told me that he believed Joseph Smith was guilty of practicing polygamy in Nauvoo. He tried to persuade me to read, Nauvoo: Kingdom On the Mississippi, a book which included documented evidence showing it was Joseph Smith, not Brigham Young, who authored the revelation on polygamy. I refused to read the book and tried to ignore the doubts being instilled in my mind.
It was about this time I began attending a Book of Mormon class that was being taught by a retired RLDS missionary. To my surprise he asked me if I would read Nauvoo: Kingdom on the Mississippi, the same book my dad had suggested I read. At first I was very defensive and told him I wouldn’t read anything that would cause me to doubt Joseph Smith’s calling as a prophet. He said to me, “You know, if a person really wants to know the truth, they won’t be afraid to read both sides of an issue.” With that challenge I made the decision to read the book. The abundance of evidence I found, revealing Joseph Smith’s involvement in polygamy, really shook me up. And so I decided to begin my own research into the church history I thought I knew so well. I was shocked when I discovered it was vastly different from what I had been taught growing up in Sunday School.
I went to the RLDS historian’s office to find out all I could about the coming forth of the Book of Mormon, certain in my mind that I would be reassured of it’s truthfulness. During this study I found that Emma Smith, Oliver Cowdery and David Whitmer, who were eyewitnesses to the translation process, all agreed that Joseph Smith didn’t use the gold plates while translating the Book of Mormon. I wondered why they were preserved for l400 years if they weren’t needed. But the biggest jolt to me was learning that Joseph used a seer stone (which he put in his hat) to translate the gold plates, the same one he had used to divine for hidden treasure!
As I continued my study, I began having fears that maybe the church I had always believed in wasn’t the only true church after all. I was determined to find out the truth. I prayed diligently for answers. After several months of study, I came to the place where I could sincerely pray, “Lord, I don’t care any more whether the church is true or false, all I want is the truth.” When I finished my prayer, I decided to read the two Bible passages I had always believed proved the validity of the Book of Mormon, Ezekiel Ch. 37 and Isaiah 29. I reasoned that even if everything else about the church was wrong, at least these texts would prove Book of Mormon true.
I had read these scriptures many times before, but this time was different. As I read the passage in Ezekiel 37, I could see it was not referring to the Book of Mormon, but was speaking about God’s promise of bringing back together the Northern and Southern Kingdoms of Israel, making them one nation. When I read Isaiah 29, I understood for the first time that the passage was not referring to the Book of Mormon, but instead to God’s punishment on Israel for her many sins. This experience broke the final tie that held me to the church. God had answered my prayer and removed the spiritual blindness from my eyes! I was convinced that Joseph Smith had not restored the true gospel, but had instead promoted a “different gospel.”
At this point I made the painful but necessary decision to leave the church I had loved so much. The Lord blessed my decision and through his goodness my husband, a priesthood member, and our four sons also left. Only those who have made a similar break from the church can relate to the heart-wrenching emotions that accompany it. Many times those who leave are ostracized by family members and long time friends. The love that was so easily shared by people of ‘like-beliefs’ is suddenly gone and an invisible wall goes up. When former RLDS members become born again Christians, and attempt to share their new-found faith with family members and friends, it often results in further alienation. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit gives comfort during this time, and finding fellowship with others who have walked the same path brings needed encouragement. The following scripture also gives hope and comfort. “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters, or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life” (Matt. 19:29).
During the years I belonged to the church I heard just enough about Jesus to have a hungering for him, but never enough to understand the way of salvation. I believed that baptism, confirmation by the elders, faithfulness to ‘the church’ and involving myself in good works would hopefully earn me of the highest glory in heaven. These were the teachings that were preached from the pulpit and taught in Sunday School, and they were what I accepted.
It is only by the grace of God that I have been delivered from the deception that blinds the minds of those indoctrinated in false teachings. It is not easy for the blindness to be lifted, but if a person has a sincere desire for truth, it is the truth to which the Holy Spirit will lead them.
Before leaving the church, I had actually ridiculed the idea that a person could be saved by just saying a simple prayer. It seemed too simplistic—too easy, and I had joined with others in referring to it as cheap grace.
Nevertheless, after studying the Bible verses in reference to salvation,
I decided to pray that “simple prayer.” I confessed that I was a sinner and
that Jesus died on the cross and rose again to forgive my sins. I asked Him to
come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior. And He did! It was truly a miracle
of new birth. The contrast between the “religion” I grew up with and the
relationship I now had with Jesus was like night and day. For the first time in
my life I became aware of the tremendous price He paid for my sins and the
meaning of His shed blood on the cross. I realized that the priceless gift of
salvation is not found in church membership, ordinances, or good works, but in a
personal relationship with Christ. The words of an old hymn took on a new and
very special meaning for me:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me,
I once was lost, but now I’m found,
Was blind but now I see.” Praise the Lord!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Our prayer
for RLDS
Heavenly Father
Thou Mighty One through all ages;
With deep concern for our friends and family still
Members of churches which hold them in bondage
To laws and ordinances,
May the truth of these pages and the
Search they represent be
A catharsis for others who have felt the same
Stirrings
Of the Holy Spirit within their lives and hearts.
Allow them the freedom, Lord, as you have
Allowed us,
To question,
To ponder,
To study,
And to pray for those answers which would lead
Us all
Into your glory,
Your plan for our lives,
And your salvation.
We thank Thee, Lord, for those lives even now
Being
Led out of bondage and
Into Thy grace.
In Jesus name. Amen.